As long as I can remember, I used to be punctual. I mean, like, an hour or 30 minutes early.
I used to finish my assignments before any of my friends did, and I used to finish my chores before anyone else in the house. But gradually, I began to change, from 10 minutes late to twenty, then a full hour late. How could I have changed that much without my knowledge?
Should I give you my excuses? Or maybe reasons?
You know, a reason like because everyone operates on "African time" will be a perfect fit.
Actually, the truth is that I was too optimistic about time. The thought that I could always meet up in die minutes became a habit, and it turned me into a tidsoptimist.
Everyone complains about this habit. From my parents to my friends, then the lecturers, it was so sad. The funniest thing is that I never took this bad habit seriously until this semester. This is where my response to the last topic comes in:
Oh boy. I have never been so helpless in my life. I don't know the right word to describe how I felt because "devastated" would only be an understatement. I felt like I had ruined my academic life.
It all started when I procrastinated submitting my files: four files, school fee receipts, practical manuals, and so on.
I didn't pay for some handouts and textbooks even when I had the money. All my friends did, and they even asked why I wasn't taking it seriously, and I said I'd do it.
I was still waiting for the right time when it got to the end of the semester, and I realised that I had a whole lot to be done.
I began to run up and down, buying textbooks and handouts that I should have bought earlier (by this time, they'd been made compulsory, and they even increased the price).
I jumped from one administrative block to another, trying to sign files, then everything went downhill on the day I was to write a four-credit unit exam.
That morning, I started completing the drawings in my manual instead of revising what I read. I was still counting on time, telling myself I still had time to revise before the exam.
However, when I finished the drawings, it was a few minutes before the exam. I hurriedly got prepared and appeared in the exam hall 30 minutes late.
Everyone was already inside, busy writing their exams. I was so ashamed of myself to the extent that I couldn't look anyone in the face.
After the exams, I rushed back home because I didn't want to face my friends or any of my coursemates.
I was also running from myself, but it followed me. I wanted to leave my skin behind because I didn't understand it anymore. I felt like I was a different person. I couldn't even talk to myself; I couldn't even cry; I lost my appetite.
I was confused about who I truly am.
The only thing I could do was pick up my journal, which I hadn't touched for a long time, and begin to write.
What I wrote was bad. Gloomy dark words. It's the darkest piece I have ever written about myself.
However, morning came, and I thought about what I wrote. I took the blame and accepted my mistakes. I don't know how I would have managed a failed course if I had missed the exams, but since I didn't missed it, I decided to work on myself.
So in that same journal, I began to write about the few things I love about myself. I wrote that I'm responsible. I wrote that I love myself and that I would love to turn over a new leaf.
After that, I went online and searched for things I could do to work on my bad habits. They gave me more than a handful of advice and motivations on how to work on it.
I wrote them down and also tried to identify the reasons behind my unfortunate behavior.
It was a period of thorough reflection and meditation, and so far, I'm beginning to see its effect on my daily activities.These little effects alone make me happy. It shows that I'm not what I wrote in my journal the other day; I am better than that.
But that doesn't mean I'll tear out that page. I haven't read it since then, and I may never will.
I believe each new day is a chance to improve and transform, and I'm excited for what's coming next. Presently, I feel more in tune with myself and ready to tackle whatever's in store.
Thank you so much if you've scrolled to this point, I truly appreciate your time and support.
Post is in response to weekend engagement topics by @galenkp :
- Are there things/habits you've had to or chosen to unlearn? What are they and why?
The photos are that of my childhood friend. I took them myself on her sign out day. I'm using them here on her permission.