I would not be surprised if everyone don't have it, but then, it is a necessity.
I grew up in a family filled with policies. Rules and regulations are as plenty as water covering the surface of the earth. The punishment a child gets is dependent on the rule that break.
You can go away with a scolding for not waking up early, but you will be disowned if you do not attend church service.
Growing up to face the real world, I thought I was free. Free from parental shackles. Nobody to shout at me, no body to scold me for not taking out the trash or for not doing my laundry.
I was damn happy. Well, it didn't last for long though.
In the face of the real world, troubles came from left, right, center, bottom and above. Troubles that could have been easily deviated from me. Facing these many troubles, I realize the importance of maintaining the policies. I began to regret the I can not go back because I am yet to accomplish my goals. I began to miss the strictness of my parent.
It didn't take long, I began to learn how to be my own father and my own mother. I developed many personalities in one. Personalities to scold me and punish me when I deviated from normal. Awkward, yes. But this is how I have remained myself and accomplished the little I have.
In the midst of these many policies, I have a morale code which I can not break no matter what.
This code of conduct is the one where I stated that "I WILL NEVER LAY MY HANDS ON A WOMAN EVER AGAIN."
Women are annoying. Very annoying and they know perfectly how to trigger a person.
I dated this lady for one year and some months. The relationship was going well. Perfectly well. The first one year was filled with love. People did not think we will break up because of how in-love we were. Both parties were reciprocating the love and affection to be maximum.
Some months before the breakup, one thing led to another she cheated on me. I didn't realize it until I noticed an STI.
Now here's the thing, I can tolerate anything in a relationship, but infidelity is where I cross the line.
With fuming rage, I requested for her presence and she landed like a plane, realizing how annoyed I was. The interrogation began with me not giving her any breathing space. Enraged, disappointed, and in disbelief I asked her many questions which she did not give any logical response to. Involuntarily, my hand grabbed a belt and the did was done. Tsk.. a drag.
Immediately after the action, i realized myself. Seeing her cry made me almost commit the unthinkable. I knelt down immediately to beg for her forgiveness. The guilt could not be controlled and I had to go out to drown in alcohol. I pleaded all through. Even after she forgave me and apologized for her actions, I was still pleasing. She said it was her fault for misbehaving but then, I really took things too far. Uptill now, if I think of the event, I go sober. I could not imagine the calm Harris beating a woman. Tch. That was the worst day of my life ya'know. It felt like I was less of a man. Felt like I lack he qualities of a man and I wished for the ground to open up as swallow me. I apologized for almost two weeks even though she forgave me in the evening of the same day.
After the event, I promised myself not to ever lay my hands on any lady again. Be it my lover, a friend or a stranger. I will not do it. I prefer to be insulted and belittled than to raise my hands on a lady.
The relationship continued and lasted for many months before we broke up because of the same reason I layed my hands on her for.
This is my response to the hive learners community prompt.
Thank you for reading
Canvas design
