🤔 I liked your interpretation of the question; I interpreted it as the first time we said "I love you" to someone romantically, like our first love or something like that.

I think I really identify with several aspects of your story, and I find it interesting to analyze it psychologically.

Since I was young, I sought attention and affection to feel at ease, but I clung a lot to people. When they stopped talking to me, I felt sad and disappointed. I sought love outside because I didn't have self-love, which made me feel empty and dependent.

In my case, I've never said "I love you" to my family, only to friends and two people I've liked. I've felt rejection towards my family and find it uncomfortable to express my feelings, although I've improved over time.

I think you created a defense mechanism by keeping your feelings to yourself to avoid getting hurt, which is understandable.

By the way, I also hate phone calls 🤣.
I find it admirable that you're enjoying your freedom; not many know how to appreciate being alone. I understand what it's like to imagine having a relationship after such a long time, but I think it's a matter of adapting.

I find your love language for your family curious and sweet, and the one you have for your friends is very nice. Thank you for sharing with us. 💙🍁