Life must be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards".
Søren Kierkegaard.
Yes, I hesitated for a second but after reading others it became more than clear to me that I could do it too: cheer up!
We all carry a bag on our backs full of moments that we would like to throw over a cliff, luckily the bag is sometimes lighter and we don't even remember the insistent and sticky discomfort with which these difficult moments adhere to the threads of a sad monologue and dark of thoughts, on other occasions, the bag is only full of cold and far away moments covered in a gray dust that I almost never remember, and that is when it weighs the least.
I have tried over the years not to add more heavy elements than I already have, and now that I think about it the best way to deal with them has been to release them from time to time, and expose them in a way that they understand that I didn't always have a choice, but if I could I would delete them completely.
Responding to the weekend commitment, this is my entry to the topics prepared by our host @galenkp on:
If you could choose two moments in your life to erase completely, what would they be and why? Use your own photographs.
If you are interested in participating and learning more about them, just click here
Almost all of my moments that are in the bag have a common denominator: guilt.
That is one of the things that mortifies me the most because maybe I had other alternatives but in the end they turned out that way.
One of the moments that bothers me the most and that I would like to erase from my life was the one when I preferred to continue my studies anddiscard my pregnancy.
The eggs returned month by month so there was no problem, I was also very young and the priorities were different: finish a degree, work, enjoy my youth, and travel a lot, and yes, it was not in my plans have a child.
It may seem selfish to you, but I was not willing to sacrifice any of my projects to have a child, plus I felt very dependent on my parents, and absurdly immature to raise a small child.
I couldn't imagine changing diapers, spending sleepless mornings and making puree for a gluttonous baby who would only want to be attached to my breast all day long.
The thing is that in fact I didn't like children, I was very, very afraid of them.
Those soft things that looked like newly born jellies caused me horror.
The problem was that there were no second chances
Behind all that strong resolution that I assumed in my youth came moments of intense search and chest pains for not achieving every woman's dream: being a mother.
Although from time to time I fervently insist that I don't like children, and that they are just pieces of meat full of poop and snot.
So with a game of phosphorescent green flash I erase the moment when I entered a hospital and.... I started a new story.
My second moment.
My mother was a very strong-willed woman, and certainly not always very affectionate, but with the same force that I received a scolding, a caress from her was the most wonderful moment in the world.
Only what she liked bothered me:stroking my head while she touched my hair very sweetly.
Yes, a super powerful act between a mother and a son, and I didn't know how to enjoy it.
I always avoided her and told her - Oh no, mommy! - it just made me uncomfortable when she messed up my hair, and I don't know, maybe it was just her nails, she had long, thin hands like a pianist's, and the tips rubbed against me the head.
Later, years later, she became seriously ill and something I did a lot of was accompany her in bed, sitting next to her while she caressed my head with great devotion.
I still feel his long fingers making a very gentle journey from the nape of my neck to the center, and I remember the pleasant sensation that the warmth of his hand gave me while I wished that the moment was as slow as you would feel inside a black hole.
So I would very gladly erase the moments in which I reject the beautiful and unique hand that only wanted to give me a wonderful caress. If I could.
Now the bag weighs a little less, because humans are so strong that we balance ourselves with the good and the bad, or at least we try to build a life that allows us to emotionally survive the memories of the bag.
I know that nothing can be erased, but we can accept life as it is, without getting carried away with everything we would like it to have been differently.
I propose a magic flash to put in a calm and peaceful place everything that makes you feel bad, because there is no reason to live a life of sadness when there is only one life to live.
Thank you very much for reading.
Photos taken with my Xiaomi Redmi 9C
Photos edited in Lightroom App
Translation using Google Translate
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
