We've been taught, mostly by culture, that giving is an act. A gesture. Something you perform and then step back from so that other people can appreciate the full view. We make a vlog of donations made to orphanage homes and take pictures for the gram. None of that is bad, exactly.
Visibility can inspire others and public generosity can be contagious but somewhere in all the performance, we've confused giving with the appearance of giving. And these two things feel completely different to both the giver and the receiver.
Effortless giving doesn't feel like giving. That's the whole point. Take your mind back to the last time a person helped you in a way that didn't make you feel like a burden. Can you decipher what made it different?
My guess is that they didn't make a production out of it. There were no paparazzi, neither did they pause to ask you "are you sure you're okay?" until you had to convince them that you were indeed okay. Instead, they just did what they needed to do. Quietly.
Effortless giving can be seen in little actions or inactions. Like a friend who sends you an article that you would have wanted to read without asking. A coworker who sends an email that puts your name in front of the right person without broadcasting this action. A parent who calls to check up on you when you're going through tough times. A friend who listens genuinely and isn't just waiting for their turn to speak. These actions do not hollow you out. They fill you up .
This reminds me of a book I recently read. In this book, a fairly new Catholic priest took in a battered young man who was tagged a criminal because he committed petty crimes just to survive on the street. Without so much as antagonizing this young man, the priest welcomed him, taught him, moulded him and by doing so, gave him hope; something he had lost a long time ago.
I believe there are a few things that make giving truly effortless: detachment from outcome, awareness, and a sense of enoughness.
First, detachment from outcome. When you give and wait for appreciation,reciprocation, or recognition, it stops being effortless. Effortless giving isn't premeditated.
Next, awareness. This entails noticing things that we would otherwise miss. We all go through separate struggles everyday and this can cause us to pay no heed to certain things, however, effortless givers have a soft focus outwards. They see the dark circles, the slumped shoulders, the opportunity to help without being asked.
Finally, enoughness. Those who give effortlessly always believe there's enough to go round; enough love, enough resources, enough time. They don't worry about supplies running low nor about the future. Tomorrow has its own worries.
There's a beauty in giving that matches the moment. Not over giving to the point of burnout, but doing the right thing at the right time. I've seen people ruin their own peace trying to save everyone. That's not effortless. True effortless giving respects personal boundaries while still flowing outwards . It's sustainable because it comes from overflow, not depletion. Like they say, "you can't pour out of an empty cup". As such, we have to give effortlessly to ourselves before we can pour into others.
This post is written in response to the #kiss prompt for the week which can be found here.
Images used belong to me and were taken with my mobile device, except stated otherwise.
