I am an advocate of women not being mandated to pay bills. In my opinion, a woman should assist her partner out of the benevolence of her heart and I find it quite rude that subsequently, some men have resorted to asking a woman what she brings to the table.
Most times when I write about these things on Facebook, some men do not take it likely as they would often come to verbally abuse me.
Some women would tag me a liability, but then, I believe in experience being the best teacher. So I choose not to say much in my defense.
Among the men who would come to attack me on such a post is someone I considered a close friend.
In one of our arguments, he asked me what is the woman's contribution to the home? And I responded, thinking we were having a friendly conversation, but it quickly degenerated into a heated online argument that was almost resulting in name-calling.
I was even very surprised he would be asking what is a woman's contribution to the home because by conventional knowledge, women are the ones in charge of managing the affairs of the home and caring for the children, including the man himself.
In my response to him, I said: A woman sees to the welfare of the children and even her husband, she makes sure the home is conducive and habitable by keeping it clean and tidy.
The husband comes home to a nicely warmed bath and meet dinner on the table already served, Children are done with assignment and either sleeping or having some TV time.
Not to mention, the children are also healthy and even when they are sick, the woman is always there making sure they get all the treatment that they need to be better.
I continued: When it comes to the responsibilities of the home, few men contribute up to 50%, most times they contribute little or nothing whatsoever.
Now, in situations like all what I have mentioned, do you still expect the woman to match the financial strength of the man in terms of financial contribution in the home?
After my analysis, I asked him this question in all sincerity, thinking we were conversing.
In his response to me, he said with so much disgust: Only a stupid woman will see house chores and taking care of a child or children as a big deal.
I was really upset, and could swear I was almost turning red because his utterance was not only disrespectful, but a slap to the face of every woman who goes extra to see to it that their home is a safe haven for their family.
Some of these women go through these hassles of housekeeping, Children nursing and still try to sustain a job by the side and here is my friend sitting on his high horse, outrightly downplaying the efforts of these women.
My friend continued: Are the children not hers too? Is she not expected to care for her children?? What if she doesn't have a husband, would the children not still be taken care of? Would she not pay for the rent and other bills?
He kept on asking me very offensive questions that I was refraining myself from taking it personally.
Not to escalate the issue more than it already was, I still tried to make him understand in a calm and friendly manner that equal financial burden of the home on both gender, equate equal responsibilities of the home affairs.
I continued: It will be quite unfair that a woman would go out there to work as much as the man does only to come back home to children and more chores, with very little or no help from a man she shares equal bills with. These burden will never allow her the opportunity to earn as much as the man does.
I know my friend very well that in his relationship, he pretends to be assisting his girlfriend with household activities. But that is very far from the truth. Say, for example, his girlfriend is cooking, he will only assist her with the easy part, maybe arranging the utensils and that's it.
So I knew what I was doing, bringing in those point about equal bill sharing equates equal house chores. But when I saw it was leading no where, I just stopped responding.
Then one day, life gave him a taste of his medicine.
It was his cousin's wedding and I had attended as he invited me. After the wedding, I had stayed back a bit, and we were catching up on work and life's goals plus ambitions. Then all of a sudden, his morale dropped as he let out a very deep sigh.
I asked him what was wrong and in his response he said: I missed out on a very juicy contract deal that I would have had millions of Naira as take home.
My eyes shun on hearing this, and I didn't know when I screamed how? What happened?? Why didn't you intensify all efforts to win the contract? Why did you let it go?
There were so many whys as I impatiently waited for a response from him.
With traces of exhaustion and frustration in his voice, he said to me: You know, since I lost my mom last year, I have been the one responsible for my son. Although he is 13 years now and could almost take care of himself, he has a terminal illness that attacks him spontaneously, for that reason, he cannot be left unattended to.
He then turned and looked at me with red eyes and continued, this time with so much bitterness and pain emitting as he spoke: Can you imagine I tried contacting his mother to come take custody of him, so I can be free to pursue my business and make some money but the mother refused?
I was just like wow!
He continued, sounding as if he wanted to cry: What sort of mother abandons her child?
At that point, I was speechless but felt I should contribute regardless.
I said to him, trying to be supportive: If she's married, I doubt her husband would approve.
He responded in lamentation: She was married but lost the husband, so now she's without a man, but the children from her late husband are all she cares about and never for once, has she checked up on our son since she abandoned him with my mother three months after his birth.
He continued lamenting: Even my sister refused to take custody of my son, and it just seems like I'm stuck with him, and it's really frustrating because it has affected my finances a lot as I can no longer be mobile sourcing for contracts and other business activities.
I had wanted to console him, but then I remembered the argument we had when he downplayed women, then I asked him a sarcastic question he didn't know where the question emanated from:
Your son is thirteen right? He's already grown, why don't you go with him on business trips?
He kept quiet and gave me this look like what sort of stupid question is this? After it seemed like what took forever, he finally responded and said, I just told you he has a terminal illness and that the attack is spontaneous. Do you want me to embarrass myself and put him at risk by carrying him everywhere I go?
I said nothing and as much as I wanted to rub it in, I couldn't bring myself to be that insensitive.
