Today is my husband's birthday! ๐๐ He is turning 45 this year, and while he hasn't exactly been thrilled about that part, it has been a relaxing birthday nonetheless... He had the entire morning to himself while I took our girls out, later on he went on a hike with our oldest, and I prepared him his favorite dinner with a delicious cake! ๐
We have been together for almost 5 years now. Within that time, we have had two beautiful girls together (although we have conceived 4 children in total...). This year, I took the time to write him a letter reflecting on where we are today, and I would like to share it with all of you...
"Our relationship has been far from perfect, in every sense of those words. I heard someone describe it in the best way possible: 'Soulmated so hard that I met, married, and had your child all in the same year' -- and I wouldn't have had it any other way! โค๏ธ Yes, I think it describes us perfectly.
"In fact, the same could be said for many couples. I believe the difference is, we keep showing up. We can't walk away because love truly exists between us, a love so powerful that it refuses to let us give up.
"We have had our share of fights, and we've already discussed how no relationship is exempt from its problems. Even the greatest of lovers had their obstacles to face -- Romeo and Juliet were mortal enemies! ๐ฑ Whether it is better for love to come easy, I cannot say...
"What I can say with honesty, is that I do not enjoy referring to you out of anger. I hate the things that I say out of anger, and I know that I need to improve these flaws of mine. ANGER is easy, and my heart shouldn't even consider it an option, considering I get to see what an amazing man you are each and every day.
"I say it all the time -- you have done an AMAZING job with raising your oldest daughter (because I know she did not get it all from her mother! ๐๐ฌ). I see it with how you treat our girls, and the fact that I KNOW you only want what is best for me. I pray for the same for you -- for all of us, and I pray that my actions reflect those words...
"I tell you all the time that I would not be doing this journey with anyone else but you. I would not go through any of these hardships unless I'm with you. I recognize that there is no other man like you, and what an honor it is to be this man's wife! ๐ Again, I cannot continue to let anger tarnish the value of my words, because it's the truth, and we both know it.
"I like to believe that I know better than everybody, but in reality, I know there are things that you will always know best. That day when we walked to McDonald's, discussing how to raise our young children -- THAT was one of those times. That we should always exist as a safe place, not only for our oldest, but for ALL of our children.
"That truth didn't hit hard for me until that day, despite the fact I have neither from BOTH of my parents. I had neither my entire time growing up with them. If I had to tell my parents something, I could only GUESS their reactions. I never expected my Mom to take off after telling her about my Papa, and I never want our children experiencing such unwantedness.
"I told you during our last argument that I cried at the sight of Christmas trees set up in people's living rooms. For a brief moment, I was reminded of the celebrations at my Nana's; my Nana was wonderful for making the holidays feel like HOME... A house so full of people, laughter, and warmth that for a few brief hours, I didn't even have time to think about myself.
"Yes, I would eventually return to our own house of misery, and I would be reminded of my Nana's own horrors to deal with afterwards, but for one night there would be the illusion of home. I became upset because a home is the one thing, the ONLY thing, that I've wanted since I was a child, and I've had it this entire time with you. And, this time it isn't an illusion! โค๏ธ I get to experience it every day, being with you and the girls. I know that we are safe with you, and we will always be safe with you. And I hope you feel the same way with me...
"We have come such a long way together... Sometimes it doesn't seem like it, until you remember that some of our oldest arguments were whether or not we could trust one another, whether or not if I REALLY needed to be posting on social media. Now, it is working on my anger, improving our health, and being motivated to become better people for the sake of our family! ๐
"Elijah will be with me for the rest of my life, a reminder of my failures but also of NEW BEGINNINGS. Life does not end with his loss, and neither does my hope! I pray that you and I will be welcoming more children in the future, I pray that God finally blesses us with a son, that the girls will someday have a baby brother! I will do my part -- I am going to get BETTER! โ๏ธ And I KNOW that I can, so long as you are always with me...
"I will always be with you, no matter what happens! Happy Birthday! ๐ From, your loving wife -- for better, or for worse! ๐๐"
