From observing many scenarios, I've noticed that ladies don't quit on a relationship until they have been stretched to the limit or have someone who can really break them lose from the hold.
I didn't only observe, I have done the same.
Pardon me, it's a long read
It all started after I graduated and was posted to a state in the northern part of Nigeria for youth service.(NYSC)
Three months into the service, I met a guy who was not a corp member but resides in the state. I started a relationship with him afterwards. I got to know he had a lot of baggages, which seemed not to be a problem to me. I told him about my plan to start a fashion business after school. I made him understand I was to save so I could get the necessary sewing equipments and he seemed to understand my plan and ready to support.
However, few months into the relationship, I was already footing his bills and feeding him. He'd stop by at my lodge to eat. I was only chanced to visit him once cause he squatted with a brother so he was always at my place. I won't forget that he got me foodstuffs a few times but all thanks to my allowance.
I still had my fashion plan paramount in my mind but I also wanted to help. He would come with the excuse of borrowing and I'll lend him.
All the while I noticed perpetual fear even from the start but I shrugged it off.
Moreover, my lover here always felt intimidated for his height and his financial inadequacy so I get blamed for every mistake and he keeps talking about it times without end.
As for me, I was gradually losing my mind. The energy I had for the things I love was dissipating. I was struggling to do what I do easily but afraid of calling it quit. Why?
- My colleagues knew who he was and he made a few friends amongst them. I was careful of what will people say?
- I was still trying to keep my moral standard of standing by him through thick and thin (I was stupid, I know)
- He already borrowed from the money I was saving towards my business.
Considering the above I decided to hold on and keep believing. My fear was increasing, I was already unstable emotionally but I kept pushing.
Now, I had already promised my parents to would come back and invest my savings in my business and they were at rest.
The drama continued till the end of my youth service then COVID struck. I couldn't travel home though I would have but the money I had with my lover was already a hundred thousand plus.
The situation became known at home when I borrowed my NYSC sweetheart the money a friend kept with me and the friend found a way to call one of my brothers back home. I almost died.
My parents hope in me was shattered, they were disappointed and betrayed. They expected me to come and start building a business I came as a debtor.
Thank God for who they are, they had to sort out my friend and ensured I came home after the curfew was lifted a little.
So I came back and explained where my money was. I still kept talking to him over the phone. In fact we still kept our marriage plans intact but I was still a wreck. He one time blamed me for keeping my friend's money as well but I overlooked. He promised to travel down to see me which he never did . While I was hoping he'd pay back so I focus on my business, I got a job. When I was tired of the job I got another but I hadn't gotten over the stress in the relationship.
Eventually I got to have a me time with myself after 3 years. I took a decision never to call him again. Unfortunately, the whole scenario had taken a toll on me. I was always in tears, I had lost the vision. I started cutting off everything connected to him. I realized my work was connected to him, I resigned again so as to get myself together. All I wanted was to get over him because I was now tired but it has been 3 years (last year). I took my mind off the money too. I wanted to heal.
It was during this period I found the boldness to talk about it to someone without crying. I had to forgive myself, stopped blaming myself for being stupid and gullible then I focused on my business.
All the plans I told him about which he promised to execute with me, I started doing them myself.
All along, I had the voice of caution through my fears but I ignored. I also saw visible signs I still stayed. Thank God I don't give him my body.
I'm still having issues being what I used to be. Trusting someone is a great challenge. Even my brain is trying to reboot. I'm doing all I can and praying for help to dream again.
I am healing gradually and I believe I'll overcome completely.
In conclusion, we don't have to be stretched to the limit to call it quit.
Prioritizing our mental health is also important.
Our dreams and aspirations are also valid.
You're not his wife until we're married to him, keep the obligations till you tie 5he knots.
We should stick to keeping our moral standard no matter what.
The best will come to us.
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Thanks for reading through
