By identifying which activities you do out of guilt or fear of disappointing others, and which you do by conscious choice, would this lead you to accept whether it is urgent or important to you?
This prompt triggers a lot but I will share my most recent one.
For me, it started with two unexpected scares in turns.
Two months ago, I had been with them and I left my four-year-old and eleven-months-old for just 2 minutes to use the convenience. I did not even relieve myself when i heard a loud scream and I rushed over to see my baby was bleeding from the left eye.
I rushed to the eye clinic and the doctor checked him. We ran a treatment course for almost a month.
During that time my spouse was away while everyone was expecting drama on his return.
When he finally came back he said, “I hope you know that you are not a spirit to be everywhere. Don’t worry, he will be fine. Let the clinician do their work.”
He did not blame me but asked about the state of the eyes and treatment yet I was still worried.
Then came my own fall. I slipped on spilled water at home in the dark. I wanted to get water to drink.
I laid there close to an hour before I could move.
And when I fell, my two little humans were laughing like it was a play. I shook my head and got up with a struggle.
I thought it was just a fall, until by day two I was still limping from the pain.
I thanked God for no broken bones, and it wasn’t my one-year-old who’d just started walking.
So you see, my recent fall and the previous incident make it both a conscious choice and fear mixed together.
I cannot leave them alone not even for a minute because it feels like they will be up to something.
No unsupervised play or lone moments. It’s hard, but I try to keep them within reach.
Constant floor checking, the lights stay on and toys get cleared immediately after use.
What used to be a chore is now a keen safety check.
That fall shook me badly
They are both in explore to learn stage because my 4-year-old loves playing with water and wants to do everything by himself. My 1-year-old follows and copies everything he does. The fun could become risky.
I thought the vigilance stays behind but once or whenever I go out.
I still have my home in my head. Their silence echoes like a check-up bell in my head.
I’m try not to overthink to prevent anxiety, but I often worry a lot. So I’m always making calls to check on them if I'm not available.
For me, it’s more important than urgent now.
The way I rushed to the clinic that day was like I lost my sense. They endless criticism about negligence and carelessness.
I really don’t want that kind of scare anymore.
*The vigilance started from fear but upholding it has become a conscious choice for my peace of mind, family serenity and welfare.
It is not only guilt nor fear of what people will say but a chosen priority until my kids are older to understand and be more independent. *
My kid’s safety strenthens my peace of mind, family serenity and welfare.
Image is mine.
