If it were possible for me to get a second chance at anything, I would love to go back to a certain simple looking day. A day I really didn't know was meant to kind of shape me. On that very day, I was just walking down my street, and sincerely I was a little lost in my own thoughts. I saw an old woman struggling with this heavy bag she has on her head, and a small one in her hand. I was still some steps away from her, and I saw her pause about twice trying to adjust her wrapper while balancing the load on her head well too. Her back was bent already and she was moving slowly, at her own pace. You know how old people who have carried burdens all of their lives often do. I didn't hear her murmur or complain though. She was just going.
I finally got to her, and I just greeted and walked past. Believe me, I was lost in thought, even I knew that wasn't how I was raised, at least I should offer to help. I had walked a few distances before something in me hesitated. It came to my mind, I glanced back and saw that she had dropped the one in her hand and was adjusting her wrapper once again. Something in me whispered to go back and help, it won't take that much of a time. But another thing in me spoke out loud, it kept telling me I was supposed to be somewhere in a few minutes time and I'm expected to hurry up if not.....
So,.I choose to hurry up to where I was going to. Few weeks later, I walked by a place and saw this same old woman sitting outside a small shop, she had that same scarf she had on the other day I saw her, but this time she was coughing and she looked sick and a little smaller. Something in me seems to push me to walk up to her, it was obvious that life had done it's part on this woman. As I changed direction to walk up to her, a lady came out of the house behind the shop and said something to her, and they both went inside.
That moment, I regretted walking past her the first time I saw her, I could have gotten to know her, help with her load, know what she's facing and the likes, and even if I couldn't be of much help, I would have probably done something. Aside that walking past her had made me missed an act of kindness I could have render, it has also aged me. Not physically, but emotionally, it made me feel old in a way I can't really comprehend with words. That moment, I realized how a simple choice, either to stop or walk away can actually reveal the kind of person you're and the kind of person you're becoming.
I agree that age is measured in years, but age is also measured with other things such as, in maturity,in the heaviness of the moments that can't be undone, in regret, and in the awareness that you missed the timing of an act of kindness. If it were possible for me to get a second chance, I would love to go back to that day, I wouldn't just greet her this time, I will offer to help and really insist to. I would walk at her pace, slowly. I would ask her questions, how she's fairing, about her health and the likes, and I would allow her take her time to answer and pour out her mind. I would help her anyway I could—get her pills, take her to a health facility or even get her little foodstuffs. I would let that small moment soften me instead of rush me as it did when I first met her.
Thinking about it now, I could actually afford to be late to where I was going to, I could actually push aside my thoughts then and help this old woman. But then, maybe I was just too young in my thinking, that I allowed myself to be distracted while also thinking that life will give me another chance to do what's right. Now, people often tell me I look older than my age, they didn't know it was moments like that, that has shaped me. Those were moments that have taught me to be kinder, to slow down, to be more compassionate, to be more humane and to think more.
So, if it were possible to choose a moment, that would be it. There are times that what age us isn't just age, but what age us is the regrets born out of those kindness we didn't give.
Images are mine.
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