I don’t think there’s anything of significance I have let go of. I have struggled to release though and maybe that’s why it’s been significantly harder. I’m not a hoarder or anything but I tend to be slower than most when discarding things I don’t need anymore.
Anyway, there’s only one thing of significance I have let go of. Clothes. I don’t think I have that many but I have a significant number of them. I don’t have that many girly clothes either so it’s more difficult to let that go. However, I had been forced to but not in a bad way. I just knew I needed to let go of some of them. For two reasons.
The first being that I definitely needed room. The second reason had to do with who I am becoming. As much as clothes seem to just be the coverings of the day, it speaks of our person than our words could. Our dressing communicates where words are dormant and many times, people find that they attract the wrong kind of attention. It doesn’t only have to do with how you carry yourself or what not, but how you present yourself. I’ll give you an example.
Few months ago, I met this girl who was about three years younger. we met at a workshop and just like every young woman there, she had her own story. She, I and five other women sat around talking, exchanging ideas and lessons. Then she made a statement of how she only seemed to attract bad eggs. She said the men she came across only wanted to sleep with her or conquer her. Even as she spoke, my eyes dipped to the generous amount of cleavage that was on display in her cropped top.
She was very fit. Tiny waist and toned stomach. She enjoyed showing it off and I liked her confidence but there was a reason these men kept getting that message. Before I could say anything, Anita (let’s call her that) who happens to be the most boldest woman I have met pointed out these things. It went very silent. Where I am coming from, if you point out such a thing, you’re setting yourself up to be clawed. It wasn’t until I witnessed the civil amicability and gentle critique amidst these women that I realised, “I have been living in the wrong company for years”.
The girl in question, Bona (let’s call her that), was silent but she wasn’t defensive. She admitted that when she sat with all of us, she did feel she wasn’t properly dressed. However, she also pointed out some of her concerns like how covering up is very stuffy and could sell talks about insecurities. Valid points. Now these women came up with solutions not judgements. They didn’t write her off because she had her reasons as well. They didn’t try to sell her “society”. This taught me a lot as well.
I haven’t seen Bona after then but I hope she’s doing well. Now, this experience taught me certain things. Dressing goes before perception. Two, people dress ‘how they feel’ not ‘what you think’. Three, it’s okay to not like a person’s expression but it’s wrong to condemn them. We make the mistakes of associating people with how we perceive them (especially their dressing) when all that could be is a projection of our own myopic views. It was enlightening.
In a nutshell, all I have let go of this year is clothes and probably some really shitty point of views.
