hi @young-tari. You have the makings of a decent story here but you tried to pack too much into too few words. This would have made a good outline for a much longer story, alternatively you could have removed a lot of the backstory and focused instead on the moment of betrayal. Other than a few things that you can work on such as not switching tenses between past and present, and ensuring that you edit your work for spelling and punctuation issues, I would suggest that you also read the following articles in The Ink Well on Show, Don't Tell and Developing Memorable Characters. Also Avoid the Dreaded Info Dump.

You tell us a lot in this story but most of it is in narrative in what is known as information dumping. Instead of *sprinkling in the information at appropriate times and linking thoughts and actions back to each other, a writer instead drops a lot of backstory at once in pure narrative form (either at the beginning which negates the opportunity for a strong hook, or jarringly at some mid-point where the flow of the story is abruptly interrupted. A reader wants to try to piece things together for themselves from clues dropped along the way, not to have everything handed to them on a plate in a few paragraphs. This means that your story feels like a summary of events rather than a development of a plot that engages the reader and gets them invested in the outcome. I think that the articles will help you to develop these skills and you will notice an improvement in your writing as a result.