Hello @rare-gem. You had an interesting story to tell and it had the potential to make an impact, but it needed some attention in a few areas. There is a lot of repetition at the beginning of your text which slows down the narrative, and risks losing the reader's attention. You could have tightened your story by starting at the dialogue.Through it we come to understand Tee's struggle, and his desire to leave Nigeria. We don't need to be told in the preceding paragraphs that he ended up being disappointed in his decision to move, instead we should see and feel his disappointment once he has moved and is experiencing life abroad. This piece needed more show than tell and greater development of the story - especially Tee's life abroad in Malaysia, where there was so much scope to make your story rich in setting and to share his bad experiences. We are told it was an ordeal and that he faced hell, but while your story purports to write about how the grass was not greener on the other side, we never truly understand what was so bad about the move to Malaysia, and so we are left unsatisfied at the end with what feels like an incomplete story. There are some great resources in The Ink Well on creating great hooks, memorable characters, conflict and resolution, setting, and story development. Take a look at this post which contains links to a wide range of writing tips which you may find useful in the development of your craft.

Thank you for sharing a story from your life with The Ink Well.