I agree with what you said in your first paragraph. Whatever lesson a child learnt while growing up will determine what such child would become. I am a typical example of that, also a product of what I learnt while growimg up.

The truth is, there is a stage children gets to and it would seem hard for parent to fully control such child. A grown up of 25-30 has the right to live life whatever way that seems fit. That is why one should train up a child in the way he should go so he wouldn't depart from it. ( I paraphrased a Bible verse).