There have been times in my life when I realized I was carrying too much; too many possessions, too many commitments, too much noise. I knew I had to leave some things behind just to find clarity and peace and this led to some major decisions.
The decision I made at the time wasn’t just about decluttering physical spaces, It was about shedding emotional and mental weight that accompanied unnecessary things. Simply put, I was addicted to so many things and they needed to go.
The first addiction would be excessive digital consumption. I spent every waking hour on my phone and by doing this, I was well on my way to becoming a web2 mini-celebrity. This almost always drained me mentally and physically too. If I wasn’t replying to messages or comments, I was mindlessly scrolling through my feed in search of nothing in particular.
My liberation from this came about five years later when my account was hacked. The first few days were traumatizing but somewhere deep down I kept asking myself the question “what if you can actually do without this?” My answer to this question gradually grew from an outright ‘no, i can' t do without the account’ to a ‘maybe it’s for the best’ in just a matter of days. This decision, although daunting, was an easy one to make because my mind and body were in sync. They were all tired of the constant stimulations and need to be perfect all the time. Along the line, some friends even offered to restore the account for me but I wasn’t willing to trade my peace for anything.
The next thing I begrudgingly let go of but later came to realize was a good thing were the fleet of Self-acclaimed friendships I had. At the time, I was a social butterfly who liked to carry everyone along. I paid little to no heed of the quote “show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are” that my mom kept singing at any slight conversation we had. Every single person was my friend. Not acquaintances, not colleagues, just friends.
Time and again, the people who I wholeheartedly called my friends showed red flags but I chose to ignore them. But the decision to let go of certain relationships was made when said friends went to write one of our examinations without me. We all spent the day and night studying because the exam was an important one. Eventually everyone slept off and I was the last to sleep about three hours before the 8am exam. My bed was occupied by one of the friends so instead of chasing her away, I sat close to the bunk and rested my head. My assumption was that out of everyone in this room, at least one person would wake me up before the exam.
Jokes on me.
I woke up about two hours into the exams and when I hurried to the exams hall, the students were rounding up the exams. It didn't cross anyone’s mind that one of their “friend's” was absent from the hall. And to think of how quickly they trivialized the entire situation. I wrote my exams a few months later but I didn't need divine intervention for clarity.
The connections, though once meaningful, had become sources of stress, negativity and distraction. I recognized that not all relationships existed to contribute positively to my life and that cultivating a circle that would uplift and support me was a million times better than a circle that would drain my energy or hold me back.
Letting go of certain things I loved doing and people I cherished was never easy. Some things held memories and sentimental values, making it harder to part with them. However, each thing or person I left behind brought a sense of liberation and lightness. There was no constant pressure to do this or that for fear of this or that. Simply blissful.
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