Going into a relationship isn't about seeking perfection because as humans, we can never be perfect. We will always have our flaws and it's a matter of choice whether we can cope with each other flaws or just walk away. There are things I can't cope with and there are things I believe shouldn't be an issue because they can be corrected, many of these things don't look as horrible as people exaggerate.
Although, going into a romantic relationship with someone is something that should be thought about carefully but perfection shouldn't be criteria that must be considered. As an imperfect human, I never thought of finding perfection when it comes to relationship matters and I just wanted someone who share common goals, have each other interests, love each other dearly and make each other happy.
It's impossible to expect everyone out there to behave exactly like us for many reasons. Think of this; we were raised by different people in different environments with different beliefs/values/cultures and these things influence our lifestyle.
Withdrawing from a romantic relationship because the other person is a maximalist is not something I will do "immediately", it might happen but not immediately when I find out.
I am someone who loves to give things a try because I believe in change. It's not like I am going into a relationship as a perfect person too, there will be things the other person wants to change in me as well and these can be achieved during the dating period.
I have heard many motivational speakers say that people don't change and they just hide who they really are for a while but it's not true. Change is possible and it depends on your approach, I prefer to make me see how something will add value to them than imposing my belief on them.
The first time I visited my girlfriend who is now my wife was a remarkable day. She lived with her sister then and upon arriving there, I was shocked to see how jam-packed the room was and it reminded me of what a typical Nigerian home used to look like back then.
They were really neat but the small apartment had become choked up with things. Immediately I stepped in, a lot of things started playing in my head and even though it wasn't my apartment, I saw a lot of things that weren't important in the apartment.
I settled in and chatted a lot with my girlfriend's sister since we have been communicating on the phone for a few weeks and the visit was fun. Before I left, we heard a sound coming from the pile of shoe cartons stacked at one corner of the room.
We decided to check and it turned out to be that a rat had delivered babies in it. We took them out and there were a lot of baby rats in it, the rats have done a great job by building a home in there.
While she was complaining about the rats, I convinced her to let go of some items since they just filled the room and served no purpose. I didn't expect her to listen but it was good to discover that part of my girlfriend when the relationship was still fresh.
While my girlfriend was seeing me off, I cracked a joke about the rats and she laughed really hard. As time passed, I realize that she is a pro-maximalist so I started trying to make her see why it's unimportant to be a maximalist.
There was a particular day I told her that we can't use the same bedroom if we eventually get married because of how she loves to fill every space with objects and she knew I was serious about her letting go of her maximalist lifestyle. There are things she didn't like too and when I thought about them, I had to let go just to make sure things worked out between us.
I had limitations to my minimalist lifestyle then because I was sharing an apartment with other students in school but when I finally got an apartment, she saw me practice what I have been teaching. At that point, I stopped talking and just made her learn from the things I did.
She embraced the practice because it was beneficial to her and there was a day she told me that she had been saving pretty well for months just because she didn't buy items that would just sit in a wardrobe or the room serving no purpose. I felt really happy and even though there are times she still showed that maximalist trait and I don't complain because I am not perfect either.
Today, the minimalist lifestyle has impacted her positively and she persuades her sisters to let go of things they don't need as well. All of this didn't happen in a week or month, it took us years and there was no need to rush which is why we are happy together today.
Backing out of a relationship because the person is a maximalist can end up with regrets. What if you don't find a genuine love like that anymore? What if his or her upbringing made them that way? What if they are willing to embrace minimalism but just need someone to guide them through?
There are a lot of things I will put into consideration and I wouldn't just throw away whatever we have shared or the feelings we have built within that short time no matter how little it is. Not everyone will shut their heart to change, there are people who wouldn't hesitate to embrace something when they know it is beneficial to them.
I am glad I didn't walk away, we are happy together today.
This worked for me but it might not work for other people and I do not advise people to do what they don't want especially with relationships. It's okay to walk away when the change we expect doesn't happen because forcing it can make you aggressive and it would make you abuse your partner when they do that thing you don't want.
Each person has their own boundaries and limits, and it's crucial to communicate openly and honestly about expectations and desires before commiting oneself to the journey that would last forever.
