I currently have two kids that I am struggling to provide their needs, including my own needs, it is a struggle because I only have HIVE to settle what ever bills I have got , sometimes I take loans here and there to meet up those needs, Like when summer coaching started on the 4th of this month, I was only able to pay for one child while the younger one stayed at home,i mean, I had wanted them both to go, I had this whole plan in my head when I was leaving Uyo to Lagos last month, things I needed to do for them, how I was going to make sure everything was in place, but on getting here, it was like everything just had its own plan for me.
I also promised them a fun-filled day, but till now, I have not been able to fulfill it, and honestly, that part hurts somehow because I can still picture their faces when I told them about it, sometimes I wonder if they think I have forgotten, but I know they know I have not, It is just life showing me that what looks easy in your head can be very difficult in reality.
That is why I am even talking about this, You see sometimes we feel like we have it all planned out, step one, step two, step three but the moment you enter the situation, you realize it is not as smooth as it looked in your mind, It is a lot more complicated.
It is like a fire you think you can walk through, but when you stand in front of it, the heat will almost pushes you back, but that same fire is also what is burning inside of me, telling me not to give up in any way, and honestly, that is what is keeping me going.
There are some days that I just wish money was not the barrier between me and giving my kids the life I really want for them, i picture them running around, laughing, eating ice cream, going out without a care in the world, In my head, that picture burns like a big flame that I am chasing, so no matter how much life tries to blow it out, I am not going to let it die.
This is not me looking for pity, this is me just saying that giving up is not even an option, It can never be at all, because as long as that fire is still burning inside of me, even if it is just a small spark , I am still in the game, I believe that is what makes me wake up every day and still push through, even when things are not even working out.
Yes,I know my plan did not go as I wanted, yes, one child stayed home when I wanted both in summer coaching, yes, that fun day is still hanging like a promise I have not fulfilled, but my flame is still burning, some days it is small and quiet, other days it is roaring and strong, but it is somehow still there.
See life will sometimes blow smoke in your eyes, and you can not see where you are going, you will cough, feel tired, and want to turn back, but then you remember what is on the other side, your kid's smiles, your goals, your dreams , and you push through, that is where I am right now.
See I know one day, I will sit my kids down and say, “Remember when things were really tough, and we did not have much?, that fire that has kept me going then is the same fire that made us get to where we are now", and I want them to see not just the struggle, but the strength that it took to just keep going.
You see this is my hope, this is why I am still pushing forward and I am keeping the Fire Burning.
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