Matured but not matured

in Freewriterslast year

This post is in response to @kenechukwu97 Thinkers Corner weekly prompt. As humans, there are times we feel the urge that we have known it all, a time we feel and say to ourselves I'm mature enough to make decisions for ourselves and taking advice becomes a thorn in the flesh. We are in a century where younger generations want to try things out on their own, telling them what to do is like depriving them of making their decisions and they might tag you as their enemy. Giving advice comes with applying wisdom, especially for the younger ones. What you advise them not to do will be the first thing they will do because they will be curious to know the reason behind you telling them not to do such a thing.

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"Don't tell me what to do", this sounds disrespectful I must say and in my culture, if you should say this to an elderly, you are a spoilt brat who doesn't have regard. It sounds harsh too because it hurts when you are trying to help someone by telling them what would have a positive impact on their lives and suddenly you are being told not to tell them what to do. One will feel embarrassed and in the end, if I happen to be such a person, I will leave him or her to dance to his or her music. I once had an experience while trying to correct one of my cousins on what she was doing which would later ruin her and she felt she was old enough to make decisions herself. This was the same statement she told me that year and that pissed me off I decided to leave her and watch how far she goes with it.

A cousin of mine got admitted into a higher institution at the very young age of 15, to her this was their biggest achievement and she began to work with girls of mature minds far older than she was. To her, she was learning from them but in the process of learning, it was gradually ruining her life. She changed her wardrobes to clothes her parents would never approve of and because they aren't computer literate, they don't get to see her posts on social media platforms. She began to go to clubs and drink alcohol, which is one thing I detest with passion, I called her attention to it which she saw as me poke nosing in her affairs.

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Before it got out of hand, I called her and made her see what she was doing wrong and when she would give a reply, she said "Don't tell me what to do, I am old enough to decide for myself". After hearing that, I couldn't control my laughter, I was laughing so hysterically because I was wondering "Old enough at 15 years of age". She didn't seem to understand what I was correcting her for and after several attempts to make her change her ways, it seemed abortive and I decided to let her be for a while.

After a few months, I decided to talk to her about it again and this time she paid no attention to me, making me feel like a disturbance in her life. After several messages were left unattended, I decided to call her with another number and she gave the same reply as before, it was then I thought it was high time I let her be. Then I said to myself "I need to stop telling her what to do" She said she was old enough, then let me allow her to pilot the plane of her life herself. At 17 she became pregnant and now she has a baby girl she is taking care of, becoming a mother at 17," Was that how you planned your life" I asked her the day she told me she was pregnant. "Since you are old enough, I guess you should know how you will take care of yourself and your baby, good luck sis" and I hung up the call. This was all I was warning her about but because she paid no yield, it landed her into a mess which I'm sure she is regretting.

Thanks for your time and your comments will be appreciated.

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I have two sons: age 20 and age 18. It wasn't so long ago that both of them were 15 and at that age they made some truly awful decisions. On the one side there is no greater teacher than learning from mistakes. On the other side some mistakes can lead to a lifetime of grief.

Even yesterday my son got mad because his car kept slipping in a frozen driveway. I advised him that if it was so bad the car had trouble leaving home perhaps he should not be driving.

Guess what: "I know what I'm doing Dad!"
And 30 minutes later "I'm stuck at the side of the road Dad"

To which I replied "Then its a good thing you know what you are doing!". He managed to find some people to help him get out of the situation...but a tow truck would be 6hrs or longer to get him. I couldn't drive to help him. Lesson learned.

I've learned that I can't control other people, only myself. I'll keep offering help as I'm able...even if my kids make stupid mistakes. However, I'm not rescuing my kids from a learning lesson just standing beside them while they work out their own problems.

As for your cousin. It's tough luck to be a mom at 17. That happened to my sister and its a rough road. On the one side making someone elses problem your own just makes your life harder. On the other side family helps family. Tough call on that one. I don't think I would just hang up on someone who is obviously going through a tough time but again I wouldn't make her troubles my own either.

I wish her the best.

She wasn't listening to advise, she had to dance to the beat she created.

15yr olds never do.

Well, in my case they listened, said I was a senile old fool and ignored my advice.

The small consolation is that my now 20yr old admits "I was a dumbass at 15". I just hope my 18 year old also learns from his mistakes and gets wiser as he gets older.

That's good for your boys

Learning the hard way is always not good, but some people will push you off with don't tell me what to do and ruin their lives.

Going to university at such a young age should have been a very big advantage to her, but she misused it. Now, where are the big girls she hangs out with???

They've left her to feed for herself since she now has a big cross to carry. I hope she does enjoy her new life as it is.

I hope so too ooo, she isn't finding it funny

Hmmm... I don't know what people see with Clubbing and alcohol, especially a young lady who doesn't even have the means to take good care of herself. It's disgusting to see and I also detest it. I don't just detest to see people do that. I also don't get into that life at all.

She really took care of it and is now a Mum at 17. A girl that doesn't even understand herself properly is already playing the role of motherhood. Haha. She's really getting the results of her action.

Now she is humbled.

It's always like that with some people.
They block their ears to hearing the truth and reality.

At least you did your part.

I did o, she is dancing to the tunes now

That's it.

I feel bad for the baby :( Do you still talk to your cousin?

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Yes we still talk and now, she listens to advise.

Good :) Is she doing ok?

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