Just yesterday and the day before, we treated a topic that covered our children and we answered the question of just how far we were willing to go when it came to supporting our children and embracing their choices regardless of how we raised them. We all agreed that we all can only be supportive to a point and it will get to a certain line that even we would not be willing to cross for our children.
Making a post on that got me thinking later on, what if it was no longer about supporting them and you really needed to do something. What if you were watching them making terrible decisions after terrible decisions, each one leading them to certain doom. It’s like watching a tragic movie, but one where you can easily predict how it will end.
What will you do if you find yourself in such a situation? You could try talking to them, but they’ll most likely choose not to listen, especially if they think that they’re big enough to make decisions on their own and don’t require your frequent inputs in their lives. No matter what you say or do to get them to change will always fail profoundly simply because they just choose not to. In the end, you might find yourself using a last resort; manipulation.
Have you tried manipulating your kids before? This is no dark or shady thing. Personally, I believe every parent does it every once in a while. You know, doing one thing, or telling your kids one thing so they can do something else. Many times, they do it thinking that it’s their idea, whereas they’re simply doing exactly what you want them to do.
I once saw a mom whose child was ill and was refusing to take drugs because of its bitter taste. So, she pretended to take it and then acted like it was really sweet. This prompted the child to take it as well, but because the mother was still acting like it was sweet, the child somehow found it easier to swallow the drugs.
Manipulations like these are just mild and easy going, they don’t have any major consequences. However, things could really get bad when we begin to manipulate our children simply to suit our beliefs. Many parents don’t find it hard to destroy the lives of their children simply because they want it in a certain way. Some parents will capitalize on the fact that their children loves them and use it to torment whoever is unfortunate enough to be partnered with them.
It’s not today that we’ll be hearing stories of mother-in-laws who find joy in making life miserable for the wives of their sons. Hell, there are times that in the end, the wife will either be forced to leave the marriage or she’d be set and the husband will be made to kick her out. It happens. Some people simply love control, and they’ll do everything that they can to make sure it’s always in their grip.
In this instance, the manipulation is extreme and totally unethical. But where exactly do we draw the line when it comes to ethics? When a child becomes addicted to drugs and refuses rehab and abstinence, what do we do? This is because we can clearly see the drugs eating them away with every dose they take. If we have a way to manipulate them into getting off drugs, no matter how extreme it is, are we going to do it?
Being an adult doesn’t translate to being wise, so if we see our kids doing foolish things like walking into a fire, do we let them? Or do we do anything within our power to make them stop. But then, how do we know that we’re in the right? What if in reality they don’t need our help, we just think they need our help. We’re only giving ourselves reasons for us to take control of their lives. After all, most toxic and controlling parents/partners, that’s what they say; “I’m doing this for you, because you don’t know what’s good for you.”
So, I guess we can’t really know for sure. I guess that’s why no one ever likes being manipulated because no one believes they are on the wrong path. We’re all on the right path. I believe I’m on the right path, and you’re the annoying obstacle that’s trying to stop me. You believe I’m on the wrong path and you’ve made it your mission to save me. So, we’d always be at loggerheads.
But the story always ends the same way. One person finally realizes they’re wrong and concedes. If not, they continue the dance until one of them drops dead. Please, let’s not be caught in that vicious loop. There are much more important things to do in life.
