Honestly, one big decision I made recently was something I really did not even see coming, so for the longest time, I have been telling myself I was not going back to my previous school for my next program, I'm sure I have said it here a couple of times too, see I had talked, complained, vowed, swore , everything and In my mind, that chapter was closed, locked, Key thrown away to God knows where, I was already looking at new options, new environments, and a fresh start somewhere else.
But you see this life it has a funny way of humbling you when you are just forming hard girl.
So yeah, It started with small thoughts here and there, you know those quiet moments when your mind taps you like, “Are you sure you want to stress yourself like this?” see me at first, I ignored it, but the more I looked at the whole picture , the process of getting admission through direct entry, the extra years I would have to wait, the stress, the uncertainty , everything started weighing on me.
I had to sit myself down and really think.
, like not just the emotional “I don’t want to go back there” part, but the logical “will this thing favor me in the long run?” part, because let me just be honest here sometimes the thing you don’t want to do is the exact thing that will save you time, money, energy, and headache, and me, I was already tired of suffering by choice.
So I thought about it deeply, and so calculated the years I would lose if I went through the long route, I imagined the constant back and forth, the waiting, the praying, the hoping that direct entry would work out smoothly and I just sighed,
because I know myself, I know how easily stressed I get, and how I hate unnecessary delays, I also know how Nigeria likes to show somebody shege when you need things to move quickly.
At the end of the day, I had to be honest with myself, am I avoiding the school itself, or just the idea of going back to something familiar?
And just like that realization did me.
So I decided , instead of dragging this thing out for years and using stress to count my days, let me just go and get the form, the form is coming out next week, and I have made up my mind to buy it, even typing this, I still can’t believe that I’m the one saying it, after all the noise I made about “never going back.” but sometimes, practicality beats pride.
It is not like all my doubts have magically disappeared, I still feel a little weird about returning, I still have moments where I ask myself, “Are you sure?” but I also feel relieved like I finally stopped wrestling with myself, sometimes peace doesn’t come from the option you love, it comes from the option that makes the most sense for your future.
So yeah, that is the big decision I made, It is simple, but it changed a lot for me mentally and honestly, I think choosing the path that reduces stress is a form of self love, and right now, that is what I need the most.
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