I have battled with unforgiveness in the past until I realized that forgiveness is about me and not the offender. It’s about reclaiming my peace, not minding the gravity of the hurt by my offender, because peace of mind is a luxury to me.
I wouldn't deny that there are some bad experiences we may have with people, and you say, "Oh no, this person doesn't deserve my forgiveness." It happens, but hello? I have been there! I withheld forgiveness for quite a long time because I was deeply hurt by someone I love, someone I care for, someone I sacrifice a lot of my energy, my time, and my resources for, just to give her a good life. I mean, how can people be so mean and selfish? How can you hurt the one that gives you a good life without reservation, and yet you are not even remorseful but rather continue to live your life like nothing happened?
I had 1001 reasons not to forgive this person; her ill actions towards me were terrible enough and don't deserve my forgiveness, but then, holding back from letting go killed me silently. I battled with bitterness and sadness, and I got troubled emotionally. The worst part was that I still come in contact with this person more often, so seeing her saddens my heart more. It was bad; I lost my peace of mind, and I lost my spiritual connection with God because each time I want to pray or study my Bible, her actions flash through my mind and my heart will become so heavy. I started hearing tiny voices, like, "What are you praying for when you can't forgive others?" It was real, and at that point, I said to myself, "Nkem, it's time to let go!"
It doesn't matter who is right or wrong. I had caged myself so long in one spot and needed the freedom of the mind, because forgiveness gives one freedom, of course, rather than holding back. Those moments, I lost sleep! It was like I was carrying a weight in my heart—the weight of unforgiveness! Joy was far from me, and my mind was constantly clouded with negative thoughts, especially towards this person that offended me. I wished she was a stranger, not my own beloved. I felt betrayed, but overall, I was the one losing sleep and not her, and so I needed to help my sanity; I choose forgiveness!
That very day, I needed to practically get things right, and so I invited this person, politely told her how much she hurt me, and expressed myself deeply, and good enough, she felt my emotions and chose peace too, apologized genuinely, and we became fine. From that point, I felt so lighter; I felt like a burden was lifted from me, and I felt peace and joy within.
So I would say, we should always forgive regardless of how much we are being hurt; even when it seems not deserving by our offender, we should always forgive! Sometimes the simplest way we can regain our strength is simply to forgive. Do we even deserve the forgiveness we obtain from God every now and then? But yet, He forgives us, right?.
Life is more beautiful with forgiveness rather than holding back. I experienced freedom and healing through forgiveness, freedom from bitterness, freedom from grudges, freedom from hate, and lots more! You will only harm yourself from unforgiveness, so I would rather choose to forgive always and be alright.
This is my response to ladiesofhive community contest #250. You can find the prompt link here
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