Awwww. I can relate to this as well. But in my case asking why is because I need to know if it's a good thing to do or not. Even when I feel like the Lord is telling me to do something I end up questioning it as if I know any better. Ah living a human life is such a challenge. 😂

It's good to know you are able to eventually pull out of such thoughts. In your case I suggest that you also start a daily prayer life if you haven't yet. As soon as you feel anxious and worried about anything you can ask the Lord to help you and be with you so you can feel at peace. If thinking about changing oneself gets annoying, we can take it slow. We can trust in the Lord for everything in our life. It's not easy to do but we can do it if we keep at it.

God bless you and your fight against such behavior! 🙏