I grew up in a family where I experienced both sides. My mom is very soft, emotional, and compassionate. It takes a serious offence before she would resort to using a cane. She prefers to sit you down and offer advice, which can be delivered in different ways depending on your mistakes; it could be gentle or firm. Sometimes, the advice can be tough to the extent that you might not feel like eating afterward or be too sad to play with your siblings.
There was this one time I cried after doing something wrong when I was 14. My dad, who was a tough lover, used his belt to design my skin. He prefers thrashing us kids with just our underwear on, sometimes just our underpants. I cried from the moment he grabbed my hand and brought out his belt until he finished his "artwork" and left me to wail and wallow in pain. I won't lie, I used to despise my dad whenever this happened, and that day was no exception. I really disliked him at that moment, and I started to wonder if I was truly his daughter or if they picked me up from a distant family member. But then that would mean all my siblings were picked up too.
I remember when my mom came over to comfort me where I was seated. She brought me my favourite juice and began to soothe my bruised skin with cold water. It was during this moment that she talked to me, making me realise the depth of my mistake, how it could impact my younger siblings, and its potential effects on me in the near future.
I just listened at that time with warmth in my eyes; she was the love of my life, and I felt a surge of warm emotions enveloping me.
However, I couldn't sleep when night came; her voice echoed in my mind, her words on a loop. I wet my pillow. I felt immense sadness for my parents and God. I believed they must have been truly disappointed.
The following day, I apologised during our morning devotion. It was a full repentance.
Today, I appreciate the presence of two parents in my life and my siblings' lives. Because, though we girls were emotional and fast to repent, the boys were very stubborn. And my dad was always ready to do business with them; sometimes my mom would even cry and plead with him to be merciful. My brothers respected him so much and were always in their best behaviour, especially when he's at home. Now we've all grown to be the best version of ourselves. My elder brother, who faced the most challenges, is now our rock. His wisdom commands our admiration and respect, much like Dad's.
I once visited a local church where the founder used a cane to discipline his members, regardless of age, especially elderly women. He claimed it was an act of love, stating he was like a father to them all. I don't support such actions in the name of love. No amount of love justifies striking someone's wife or any mature woman. Similarly, in relationships, no level of affection should lead a man to raise his hand against a woman. Grown individuals deserve respect despite their imperfections.
I am fully in support of tough love when it's done right. Some individuals require a specific approach to function effectively.
There are those who need more than advice; words alone may not lead them to acknowledge their mistakes and seek repentance, which is understandable.
However, I've witnessed parents who are excessively strict with their children. This approach can backfire, causing the children to feel intimidated and unable to express themselves freely.
Similarly, using abusive language to correct others is something I strongly oppose. There's no justification for being disrespectful while reprimanding someone.
Love is a precious gift we all possess, and I appreciate its existence with all my heart. It's good that we love with care, respect, and a genuine desire for the success of others.
Thanks so much for reading me. I truly appreciate it.
All images are mine.
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Wes & Grindan