However, being raised as a Catholic, I feel my own story in your text. Long story made short; the search for ‘the’ truth has not let go of me to this day.
In my twenties, I learnt about shamanism. Since then, I would best describe my faith as shamanistic. To me the fact that in Sanskrit, one origin of the word shaman, it also means seeker. Now with that i can definitely live...
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Keep looking, short meditation trips into the garden do me fine, a walk brings comfort, sunsets and sunrises bring a feeling of awe, night skies makes one realize how small and insignificant we are.
Nature sneezes we all die, it's a big picture to comprehend in one lifetime, so history helps a little.
Sure will do... and talking to stones and trees, ants and snails... the ignorant call me crazy since i'm a child. Me, i'm like in Novalis quote:
“He who hears butterflies laugh knows what clouds taste of
He will discover the night in the moonlight, unhindered by fear.
He will become the plant, if he wishes, the animal, the fool, the sage
He will travel the universe within one hour.
He knows that he knows nothing, like all the others, too.
Only he knows, what he and all the others will have to learn
He who feels strange shores within himself and dares to rise
will slowly, unhindered by fear, discover himself
He looks up to his own summits
And calmly takes up the fight with his own underworld
He who’s at peace with himself will also die in peace
and will be more alive in death than all his heirs.”