“Aren’t you getting bored when you are by yourself all day?” Is a frequent question people ask me. When I happen to tell them about the bike trips I do by myself.
That question left me speechless the first time I got it. “Bored? What do you even mean?”
From the moment I get up, there are a million things to consider. Which continues until I fall asleep. There is always something to do or think of. “Is my sleeping gear dry?” “Do I have enough food?” “What should I eat?” When I am not busy packing up my camp, I am talking to strangers on the road. Sometimes I feel that I barely enjoy a few calm minutes by myself. The landscape around me constantly changes, I have to make sure not to miss the turn. Then I am overwhelmed by all the beauty of life and nature around me. Cooking involves packing out everything again. Then I stop to take a photo, moments later to pee behind the bushes. “Where would I find the time to get bored in all of this?”
But maybe that question isn’t so much about boredom, but about how to spend time with oneself. Being unable to escape your own thoughts, nor any other part of that person that we are. And I feel in our world today this is something most of us struggle with. We struggle with facing who we are, when we are by ourselves, when no one is watching. And we have nothing at hand to distract us from ourselves.
Nonetheless the only person I will and have to be around all the time and forever is: myself. Meanwhile exploring that one relationship isn't the only reason I embark onto cycling trips, it takes up a big part of it.
Sure there are many things I find challenging when doing this by myself. When there is no one to turn to or ask for advice. When I am too tired to take decisions and there is no one there to take them for me. When I make mistakes and I can only blame myself for them. When I know I have to look after myself for everything. And I sometimes feel like I have no single Minute where I can truly relax and feel the safeness of someone else presence. When I know all I have to rely on is myself.
But in return I get all these moments which turn out amazing because I am by myself. When strangers invite me for diner and take me up into their homes. When I have conversations with people I just met and our minds resonate as if we knew each other since always. When people remind me of my own courage I forgot about. When I take the time to stop every five minutes to take in the beauty around me. When I sing on an endless descent and no one is listening. And when I feel and know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Spending all this time with myself, I get to know my ego, my strengths and my fears. Sometimes my insecurities are screaming at me so loudly that I almost end up in tears. And finally, the tears I cry are the ones of joy. I value both moments. In one I learn, in the other I love and in both I am fully alive.
Are you getting bored when you are by yourself all day?
Thanks for stopping by, have a lovely Thursday!
All photos and words are owned by ©kesityu taken and written by myself.
