Too many priceless sentences in here.
Some of my favorites
She closed her eyes no doubt imagining that Scotland had a summer that lasted longer than two weeks.
and
diluting my coffee to the point where it was becoming homeopathic.
You even inserted a fart joke!
Bravo :<)
P.S. Cheers for following my new (alt) account that might very well become my main account, from now on ( activity wise ).