Of all my kids I'm more disappointed with my middle child. It's as if I'm not important to her. It could just be me feeling sorry and regretting some aspect to this decision I've made.
I'm hesitant to talk to her about it because I'm thinking I'm just going to start talking like how I've always talked to her in the past. And this is probably not something I would ever change and she is thinking she is more right than me.
Hard headed, the both of us I seriously think.
I feel like I'm at an impasse because of all my three it seems her reaction send to really affect my, my little Madi. All acting grown up and maybe this is one of those life lesson things where I'll be finding it hard to see her grow up.
Or it could be my pride just playing tricks on my emotional state. Them also it could be me missing them and not being able to freely see them easily like I once enjoyed before the great apocalyptic world ending disaster.
Not even sure if this is going to get any easier as time goes by and I know I'm sounding like a broken record, repeating everything over and over. The track all scratched up with no sight of it ever getting fixed back into it's original state. A dad state of affairs where is all self inflicted. A hopeless cause waiting for something, anything to get it back to some semblance of normality.
Then time comes and I breathe and it all seems fine again. A bad dream. Each time I'm left wondering how long the skips repeat themselves.
I can just smile at misfortune.
It will end.
Somehow.
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