Hello beautiful people. See, choosing a life partner isn’t like picking a new outfit, you can’t just try and return if it doesn’t fit. It’s one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make, and getting it right can mean a lifetime of joy and purpose. Getting it wrong? Well… let’s not go there.
So, how do you discover the right person? Not just “find” but DISCOVER, because sometimes, the person you’re meant to be with isn’t hiding; they’re just waiting for the right version of you to recognize them.
- START WITH YOURSELF – WHO ARE YOU?
Before we talk about “who is right for you,” let me ask: Are YOU right for someone?
Many people want a God-fearing, loving, financially stable, caring, mature, and responsible partner. Beautiful! But are you also that kind of person?
Marriage is not "find someone to complete me." It’s "become complete, so I can add value to someone else’s life." You don’t need a relationship to fix you, you need to grow, heal, and discover yourself first.
Ask yourself these;
What do I bring to a relationship?
Am I emotionally mature or do I run at the first sign of conflict?
Can I communicate well? Or do I expect my partner to "just know" how I feel?
Am I spiritually, emotionally, and mentally ready for marriage?
Because who you are will attract the kind of person you end up with.
- METHODS OF DISCOVERING YOUR PARTNER
Now, let’s get into how you can discover the right person.
A. Prayer and Divine Guidance
For those of us who believe in God, we know that marriage is more than love, it’s purpose. The right partner is someone who aligns with your destiny.
But let me say this: Hearing God is NOT emotional excitement! Many have made mistakes because they mistook feelings for divine direction. God’s leading comes with peace, clarity, and wisdom, not confusion or pressure.
B. Friendship First
One of the best ways to discover a great partner? Start as friends.
Friendship reveals a person’s real character without the pressure to impress.
You see how they treat people, not just how they treat you.
You learn their values, goals, and priorities.
Rushing into emotions before knowing someone can lead to heartbreak. Build friendship first, and love will naturally find its way.
C. Observe Their Character (Not Just Their Words)
Talk is cheap. Anybody can say, "I love you, baby. You’re my everything." But love is more than words.
Do they respect you? (Not just when they need something)
How do they handle disagreements? (Silent treatment? Insults? Maturity?)
Are they accountable to anyone? (Mentors? Spiritual leaders?)
Do they push you toward growth or just comfort?
A person’s habits, reactions, and daily decisions will tell you more than their words ever will.
D. Seek Wise Counsel
Let’s be honest: Love can be blinding. When you’re in love, you may ignore red flags, thinking, "They will change." This is why wise counsel matters.
Talk to mentors, spiritual leaders, or trusted married couples.
Sometimes, people outside the relationship can see what your emotions are hiding.
But be careful, not all advice is good advice. Seek guidance from those who have strong, healthy marriages, not those who just love gossip.
- PRINCIPLES TO LIVE BY WHEN CHOOSING A PARTNER
Here are some timeless principles that will help you avoid unnecessary heartbreak:
A. Shared Values Matter More Than Shared Interests
You both love music? Great! But do you both share the same life values?
You both love traveling? Nice! But do you both agree on faith, family, and finances?
A strong marriage is built on shared beliefs and values, not just shared hobbies.
B. Pay Attention to Red Flags (Not Just Butterflies)
Love can make people ignore warning signs. But listen, red flags don’t turn green with time.
Some red flags:
They never take responsibility for their mistakes.
They manipulate you emotionally (silent treatment, guilt-tripping, etc.).
They have no vision or direction in life.
They disrespect people they don’t need something from.
If you notice these things early, don’t ignore them.
C. Patience: Desperation Leads to Destruction
Many people have rushed into relationships because they were afraid of being alone.
But listen, a rushed marriage can lead to a lifetime of regret.
Take your time.
Grow while you wait.
Trust that God’s timing is better than yours.
Because the truth is: Marriage is not the goal. A happy, healthy, and purpose-filled marriage is.
On this note, many people stress about "finding" the right person, but sometimes, the right person is already in your life, you just need time and maturity to recognize them.
Marriage is a lifelong journey, so don’t rush the decision. When the time is right, the right person will come, just make sure you’re also becoming the right person.
