If anybody had told me that Uncle Billions would one day become a “Facebook person,” I would have laughed so hard a grain of rice would fly out of my nose.
Uncle Billions—the same man who nearly sent my elder brother back in 2014 for coming to spend the holiday in his house with a Nokia 3310. The same uncle who once said, “Social media are for lazy people with no future.”
That man now has Facebook page, does Facebook Live and post his goods on different media handles. But let me start from the beginning.
Uncle Billions wasn’t born with a silver spoon, but his hustle earned him one. The eldest of five siblings, he moved to Lagos in the 1980s with just a shirt, black trousers, and a motto: “Make it or die trying.” Lagos sharpened him like a blunt knife. By the time I was old enough to understand, he had built a house in Surulere and another in Akwa Ibom state.
Every Christmas, he would throw a party where everyone in the vicinity hailed him like an emperor. His one rule? “Phones are not allowed.” Everyone came to eat, drink, and hear tales filled with Lagos gist, mostly about himself.
He nicknamed himself “Uncle Billions,” not because it was his given name, but because he believed money stops nonsense. He never ended a conversation without encouraging you to chase wealth.
“In this life, people don't hear your voice if you are a nobody.” “Don’t let broke people give you advice. It’s because I refused to walk with broke people that I’m where I am today.” “If you want to make it in life, face your work, not social media.”
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So you can imagine my utmost surprise when, in 2022, my phone buzzed and I saw a notification: “B Motor Parts is now live on Facebook.”
At first, I thought someone was using his name since I wasn't sure he registered it.
Boom! There he was—Uncle Billions himself, in his shop, sitting on a rolling armchair, sweating in front of a ring light, speaking pidgin English to promote his business online.
“Good evening my able car owners. Today, we go talk about cars and their parts. You sabi why engine dey knock? Una go learn today. Follow me make we sabi!”
I almost dropped my phone. Was this the same man who once asked me if "2go” was a road that leads to making money?
Back in 2016, after my secondary school graduation, he promised to send me money for my party items. The banks were on a public holiday, and when I tried to teach him how to use USSD code, he shouted:
“It’s not you and me! You want these small boys lazing around on different apps to drain my account?”
He refused anything digital. He preferred standing in long queues at the bank over mobile banking. His idea of a selfie was yelling, “Take me as I am, not with camera!”
So to see him now—posting products on his WhatsApp status, taking Instagram reels seriously, using phrases like “go viral,” “FYP,” and “DM for any type of motor parts.” I knew we had entered the era of flying pigs.
One day, he visited our home and called me and my brother over.
“Come here, both of you. Let me tell you something nobody will tell you for free,” he said, resting one leg on a stool like a soldier.
“If you spend too much time on this phone screen—apart from making and answering calls like I do, one day your brain will enter inside the phone. The owners of social media are using it to distract poor people from making it.”
Now? Uncle now makes a video on social media and ends every video with: “If you have been satisfied by us, hit the like button and follow.”
One day, I asked him, “Uncle, what changed?” He laughed and said, “Good question nobody has asked me. My dear, I went for one business seminar and the speaker said: ‘If your business is not online, then you are not yet known.’ That day, I knew things had changed. The game don change from the one I sabi, and I no go carry last.”
I smiled and shook my head. Life has a funny way of humbling us. I never thought Uncle B for short would let go of his fear of the jet age, but here he is posting his goods twice daily, going live weekly, and ending posts with hashtags.
So when I hear someone say “when pigs fly,” I just smile. Because I have not only seen pigs fly—but they are holding smartphones and creating content in landscape mode.
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