Image is mine

When it comes to relationship, people think I hate men. This is due to my opinions on how an ideal relationship should be. On several occasions, a few friends have expressed shocked when I talk about being in a relationship or having a man.

I one time asked one, “If I were to be your sister and at this age I do not have a man would you not be worried?” He just kept quiet and that was the last he ever tried to embarrass me for being in a relationship and still talk against the wrongdoing of some men.

Let me give instances to explain better.

Instance one

Once I put up this love song on my WhatsApp status, can't really remember the title as it's been a while. But then, my friend texted in the utmost shock, “hmmmmm, so you listen to love songs too? Wow! I'm shocked.”

I was taken aback by her question and automatic conclusion because really, what does she see me as? The devil? But then I responded anyway, asking, “You are shocked because….”

“You know now, always attacking men, giving the cold-hearted bitch vibes.”

"Oh, wow! Is that what you think of me?" I inquired.

“No o, it's not what I think but the message you are passing.”

At this point, I wasn't ready to waste my time correcting any wrong impression, as it seemed her mind was already made up on the opinion she has created of me.

Thus, I just let her run with whatever made her sleep well at night.

Instance two

Another time, a man asked me, “if you would advocate for equal right of both gender, how then are you talking about the baby girl lifestyle and for a man to give you luxury?”

“Because it is a man's place to take care of me while I support."

The fact that he was asking genuinely, at least from the tone of it, made me dignify his question with a response.

However, he was up for some argument as he said, “well that's where you got it wrong, it's not in a man's place to take care of you. But rather it is your duty to take care of yourself.”

I looked at him and then smiled. “Let me explain something to you, I am a woman and by default, nature is not kind to me.” He wanted to interrupt by asking what I meant, but I held up my index finger to halt him.

I continued, “By default, I am responsible for the home, the fact that the children grew and developed inside of me made us share a bond. It is my maternal instinct to always be there for them and groom them with the existing bond right from inception.”

“I am a mom and I work…. I can tell you for a fact that I cannot earn as much as my partner because the odds are already against me and by the time the children are grown to Independence, my partner is already far ahead in the career world with me lagging.”

“A friend of mine got sacked from her banking job because she was a weak link, she had three babies consecutively and this was an obstacle in her job roles. While her single colleagues were promoted, she was retrenched and as much as she wanted to take legal actions against the bank, she had to let go.”

"I had also tried out for the Navy but couldn't go through with it as that was when I got pregnant."

I concluded, “personally, I can take care of my basic needs, but still, I need a man with the financial muscle to make life easy, and I wouldn't want to be disrespected for it”.

My friend was mute and all he could say was wow! I have always felt your opinions were contradictory, but now you've explained it like this, I total get you and I agree.

Instance three

The other day with my Cousin brother, the electricity came up. There hasn't been power for quite a while and this made us run on the generator without bothering to change the switch over to electricity once we put it off.

So when the electricity came, my cousin went and did change over at the building where he stays and left the building where I reside.

I rushed upstairs to my room to charge my gadgets, but when I plugged them in, there was no electricity. I was pissed and tried changing over myself, but I couldn't.

In that anger, I matched straight to my cousin's room and banged the door really hard.

Not only that, but I was even more angry seeing that there's light in his building, meaning he conveniently changed his and left mine.

After trying to pull down the door, but I couldn't, he managed to open and came out. By now my anger was nearing exhaustion, but I still managed to hold on to what's left and unleashed my displeasure.

“Why did you not change over at my building?” I didn't let him respond before I attacked again.

“Oh, so you mean I don't need electricity? I am from the Stone Age where we didn't know what electricity meant nor its usage”.

My cousin was calm, I was the one vibrating and talking in a really high, rumbling and threatening tone. When he saw I had exhausted all my anger and had none left in me, he responded, “You cannot act like a tyrant and then expect princess treatment”.

Ha! My anger bar automatically refilled as I yelled at him and called him a selfish person. I knew he would want to go back to his room and shut the door to disregard me, so I blocked the door with one leg.

At a point, he started laughing and then said, “I thought what a man can do, a woman can do better?”

The fact that he was using me to have fun made me more upset. I was angered because it's his duty to always see to it that both buildings have electricity.

Nothing irritates me more than someone trying to be mischievous, and I felt that was undoubtedly what he was doing, since they already branded me a misandrist with the feminist title.

“What a man can do, I cannot do better because I did not come to this life to suffer”. My response made him laugh so hard, and then he said, “so you are acknowledging men are important?”

“Have I ever said they aren't? Tell me one time I have said men are useless or unimportant?”

He kept quiet and thought briefly but came up with no answer. Not wanting me to win the argument, he fired back and said, “but you just insinuated men are sufferhead.”

“Yes I did, doing hard and tedious work is suffering, hard and tedious are for men not women.”

I was waiting for him to utter another word, so I can attack, but instead he shoved me aside and said, “move aside my friend, in your mind now you have made sense.”

He then proceeded to changing over to electricity at my building.

As I walked behind him, all my anger melted away as I started smiling from ear to ear.