(Source: Image by Jupi Lu from Pixabay)
Another hiatus for me, and I apologize for that. Creating life has been an extremely chaotic month for myself...
I have officially reached 10-weeks pregnant with our little bean (thank you, God), and I am eternally grateful for that. We have already gone through our fair share of scares already. Around week 8, there was spotting/blood, and my last experience with bleeding was a miscarriage... Thankfully, everything has worked out so far, and they tell me that there is no reason for concern.
After that, it was non-stop vomiting for a few days (at least 30 times a day) and a hospital visit for me. Some medication... All of these things are very traumatic for me, as they are some of the last things that occurred before losing our last baby...
But we received an ultrasound, and our hearts were reassured with the news that our baby is there! A little hand, a tiny foot, and a heartbeat that just won't quit! We were told that the bleeding was from a subchorionic hematoma, a common symptom in pregnancies, and that there is currently nothing to worry about.
That was about a week ago. In the meantime, there has still been much suffering LOL. I have been given a prescription, and while it has provided immense relief, I am still dealing with on and off nausea, have still thrown up a bit... Constant sleepless nights... I had to move in with my mom for a period of time because I cannot take care of myself, let alone my family right now. I have never been in this situation before, and I hate being away from my husband and children...
We had been apart for a few days. The situation truly made me reflect on whether or not I want to continue to pursue our family's dream of more children (we always wanted at least 5). Obviously I am grateful to have conceived in the first place -- it took over a year to happen! But I was hopeful that this pregnancy may be different, and now that it's confirmed to me that it never will be, I need to ask myself if this is a battle I'm willing to undertake again in the future...
I love having children, but now these pregnancies are depriving me from my living ones... So, is it truly worth it?
Perhaps it doesn't TRULY have to be The End. I could always decide 5 years from now that I would like to try once more, and maybe it COULD go differently by that point... But for now, I think I need to rest after this. I cannot continue to burn, if I risk burning OUT...