Dear Son,
I prayed for three years before you showed up. You dragged the storm with you. You rained down pain as if you were my punisher. I can remember that day, you pierced me like a needle would, just to implant yourself in me. With every piercing, I screamed and cried for help. I was in agony. Pain whispered death to me.
Your father was confused. He couldn't do anything, he was helpless. Yes, I saw his tears, though they were hidden beneath his skin. Hope was far from him. He was scared he would lose both you and me.
He kept requesting scans to see you, and every time he did, you re-energised his faith. You were so innocent. You had no idea the pain I was feeling. I guess you were just trying to get comfortable by all means.
I tried all kinds of meals, but I wasn’t sure you would like them and you actually didn’t. You forced those foods out of my mouth as if they were poison. You even rejected water. You never wanted anything, you just needed some peace. But I worried that you needed those things to survive in me. I was running out of strength. My flesh looked thin and dry because it lacked water. I wasn’t sure I would survive but you were sure I would.
For three months, I was like a baby. I peed helplessly on myself. I would cry whenever the nurses brought those injections, needles scared me. You never liked whatever that was in those injections, did you? You kept forcing them out through my mouth until my eyes turned red. I looked like a ghost. I hid myself underneath the duvet. I didn’t want to scare anyone. I felt like they wouldn't understand what I was going through, they would look me in the eyes and say ”It is normal,” I didn't want to hear that because to me such depth of pain doesn't have to be normal.
You always looked happy whenever we did a scan. The amniotic fluid was the right the quantity, you swimmed peacefully and playfully. I wonder how all of this came to be without food or fluid going in. That was when it dawned on me that you came directly from God, your Maker. It was Him. He was there the whole time. I was never scared that I would lose you because you prove to me that you have come to stay.
When I was due, you refused to come outmaybe because I was so mad at your father. I was really mad at him. He hurt me emotionally. I struggled to forgive him, you know. But whenever I remembered, I broke down. I poured my tears on you because you were the only joy left in me. You kicked me so many times maybe to tell me to stop crying, but I wouldn’t listen.
Finally, I decided to let go of my hurt and made peace with your father. That was on Monday, the 17th of June. I had the doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, the 19th of June. You were already 39 weeks and 1 day. I was tired, and my walking steps had changed. I could hardly walk or sit. I complained of how exhausted I was, mentally and emotionally. I just wanted you to come out already. All I wanted was to hold you to my breast, kiss you in all the fluids and blood, and whisper this to you:
“I love you.”
In all this, you knew I wasn’t giving up on you. You knew I needed you badly. You knew I would give up my life to keep you. You knew I would choose you above my pain.
That is why your father and I named you:
Bialereiheomachukwu – “Come and see the goodness of God”
Kobimtochukwu – “Let my heart praise God”
Chielotam – “God has remembered me”
Your grandparents named you; Ebubechukwu which means “The power of God”
These names represent the roles of God's hand in your conception, the nine-month journey, and your birth.
Now, look at how much you've grown within the space of one year, so handsome and radiant. Sometimes I am scared of how fast you’re growing. Sometimes, I don’t want you to grow, but you have to. You will always remain my baby.
Promise me you will respect women, both young and old. Promise me you will be better than your father.
Your father is a good man. He was there all along. He chose us over his job. He showed love through acts of care. He walked me through the pregnancy. Even when I pushed him away, he hung around, making sure I was fine.
I want nothing more than to see you happy.
Happy birthday, my love.
With all my heart,
Mum
All images are mine
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