Father's Day happened three days ago, for Ghana and Africa. On Sunday, I saw so many people exchange hugs, presents and send thoughtful messages to appreciate their dads.
I visited church and the dads of the church were given gifts, the joy the smiling faces, it was such an awesome thing.
It truly was a day of love and recognition for all dads. But for some dads, it is also a day of quiet pain. Not every parent makes the decision to become one. Some fathers and mothers become parents because their family or culture expects it, not necessarily because they want to become one.
In many places of the world, especially South Asia, the Middle East and Africa, people are told having children is part of the good life. You will not have a healthy childhood unless you become a parent. Saying I don't want kids is mostly unacceptable. I once told my father I'm not interested in marriage, he respectfully rebuked me with a smile and said no my son, don't say that. He doesn't even want the thought in my head.
Because of this situation, so many people become parents before they are even ready.
These people may truly love their children, but they still feel beaten down and lost. They may feel regret about parenthood, their actions , the fact that they couldn't be good enough for the family and perhaps they many not show it emotionally at all. Their children will feel some of this even if they cannot say it. Children will feel unwanted even if they are loved.
It is okay to admit feelings like this and it is okay to talk about it. That is part of healing. Healing comes when somebody says, maybe I wasn't ready to be a parent and this wasn't the choice that I could make for myself but I am here now, and I want to try.
I didn't get the chance to write about Father's Day so I have done it now. Honor to all fathers, those who try so hard to fit those shoes. It ain't easy but I pray it's worth it in the end for you.
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