Nunca me consideré alguien abierto. No en el mal sentido, sino... no sé.
Me gustaba lo que conocía, las cosas claras, tranquilas. Siempre decía que era de valores tradicionales, aunque si me preguntaban cuáles, ni sabía bien a que me refería, supongo que lo decía para no tener que pensar mucho o dar largas explicaciones.
Cuando creé el perfil en esa app de citas, lo hice por presión de mis amigos. Puse que buscaba algo serio, que fuese tranquila, que no fumara, que escuchara música suave, nada de drama y nada de “cosas raras”. Así, literal.
Después de varios intentos aburridos, un día ella me envió un mensaje, tenia una sonrisa tan cálida que me desarmó. No era lo que yo pensaba que buscaba, tenía el pelo teñido de colores, escribía con muchas mayúsculas y emojis, y me contó que hacía danza contemporánea y vendía velas aromáticas en ferias.
No tengo idea de por qué acepté salir, quizás por curiosidad, quizás porque me estaba empezando a cansar de mí propia compañía o quizás por ambas razones.
La cita fue en un café raro, de esos con sillones que no combinan, ella se sentó frente a mí con una energía que me dio algo parecido a la paz que estaba buscando. Me preguntó cosas que nadie me había preguntado nunca, nada de si me gustaban los perros o el cine, me preguntó si alguna vez me había sentido libre y me escuchó sin interrumpir.
Hablamos por horas, me reí, me emocioné, me descubrí diciendo cosas que pensé que nunca diría en voz alta. Esa noche no hubo beso de despedida, no hizo falta, solo hubo una sensación extraña de estar exactamente donde tenía que estar.
Cuando volví a casa, me miré al espejo y me dije bajito, casi como si no quisiera que me oyeran los muebles, no soy realmente conservador. Esa noche descubrí que solo tenía miedo a lo nuevo, a equivocarme, a que me doliera.
Pero, gracias a ella y su sonrisa cálida, entendí que abrir el corazón no es una falta de principios, a veces, es el principio de lo que falta.
English Version
I never considered myself open-minded. Not in a bad way, but... I don't know.
I liked what I knew, things that were clear and calm. I always said I had traditional values, although if people asked me what they were, I didn't really know what I meant. I guess I said that so I wouldn't have to think too hard or give long explanations.
When I created my profile on that dating app, I did it because my friends pressured me. I said I was looking for something serious, someone calm, who didn't smoke, who listened to soft music, no drama, and no "weird stuff." Literally.
After several boring attempts, one day someone texted me with such a warm smile that it disarmed me. She wasn't what I thought she was looking for; she had colorfully dyed hair, I wrote "a" in capital letters and emojis, and she told me she did contemporary dance and sold scented candles at fairs.
I have no idea why I agreed to go out; maybe out of curiosity, maybe because I was starting to get tired of myself, or maybe both.
The date was at a strange cafe, one of those with mismatched armchairs. She sat across from me with an energy that gave me something close to the peace I was looking for. She asked me things no one had ever asked me before, nothing like whether I liked dogs or movies. She asked me if I had ever felt free, and she listened without interrupting.
We talked for hours, I laughed, I got emotional, I found myself saying things I thought I'd never say out loud. That night there was no goodbye kiss, there wasn't a need for it, there was just a strange feeling of being exactly where I was meant to be.
When I got home, I looked in the mirror and said to myself quietly, almost as if I didn't want the furniture to hear me, "I'm not really conservative." That night I discovered I was just afraid of new things, of making mistakes, of being hurt.
But, thanks to her and her warm smile, I understood that opening your heart isn't a lack of principles; sometimes, it's the beginning of what's missing.
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