It is every parent's responsibility to train their children and mod them into someone of significance in the society. The manner at which this is done, depends on a parent's experience of how to best educate a child. I always emphasize on the fact that parenting doesn't come with a manual, it is one of the most tasking responsibility in the universe. Giving birth to a child is one thing but training a child in a way that conforms with the rules and regulations of the society is something entirely different. Children are like blank slate when given birth to, with no knowledge of what is right or wrong, as first agents of socialisation, this duty falls on the parents to assist their child in finding the right path.
I'm not a parent yet but from the experience I have acquired from nurturing my siblings and as a teacher, one facts remains true, there is no specific perfect way to discipline a child. Which kind of makes the act of discipline a little bit complex. The way every children react to things differs based on their unique personality, what might scare one child might be a joke to another. That is why it is best advisable to understand your child, their way of thinking, their reactions to specific things before choosing the ways to discipline them. Though disciplining a child depends on the situation, the kind of crime committed tends to warrant what type of punishment will be given to a child.
I have seen parents who use extreme methods to discipline a child, at the end, they did more damage than good. Children are very fragile beings as they grow older they toughen up and began to develop their own perspective about life which might not conform with the perspective of their parents. For some parents, it takes longer period of time for them to understand that everyone is entitled to have their perspective, to exercise our freewill, including children. It is what makes us humans. While some parents might understand this some consider it as an act of rebellion from a child and in so doing, they try their best by using every way possible to reshape the mind of their child.
I think most parents need to realise that they are raising future leaders not bunch of zombies or sheeps, that only does what they are told without having their own opinion in mind. What am I getting at? It is the fact that the way we discipline a child tends to reshape their mindset and sticks with them till adulthood. Which means finding the right methods to discipline a child matters a lot. The fact that a specific method works on your first child doesn't mean it will work on the second. It all leads back to understanding a child.
As a serving corp member teaching in a school, I have met some children who are incapable of speaking up for themselves in class. It is not because they are not brilliant, they are just too timid to voice out their opinion. While there are others who might not be as intelligent as them, who finds it more comfortable speaking in any situation. You see those timid ones, the moment you call on them for something, they are already shaking as if they have done something wrong and whereas they haven't. That fear already exist within them and it is usually because the way their parents deal with them at home.
Some children respond more to one on one conversation than beating. As a parent failing to understand this will only lead to disastrous consequences. Children have the habit of adapting to their environment and if they keep getting a particular treatment that doesn't conform with their personality they would be forced to change from their natural way of thinking and acting into something that would make it a lot easier on them to survive their environment.
How do you go about disciplining a child? Like I said earlier I'm not a parent yet but from my experience in dealing with children, one thing I do before anything else is to understand the reason behind a child's action. One thing is unknown to most parents is that, for some children they are trying their best to do the right thing, they just don't know the right way to do it. Imagine a child stealing from his/her parents to feed an hungry friend at school. For most parents their first instinct will be to deal with the child for stealing, do you even care to know why the child stole from you? When you deal with such a child mercilessly, it might stop the child from committing the same crime again but it will also kill the good the child is trying to do from within.
As a parent, before judging a child, you must also understand the nature of a child. The crime committed by a child, is it within his/her nature? If he/she is acting out of character, then there must be something influencing the child. Most times it is not all about disciplining a child but tackling the root of the problem. The moment parents choose to punish the child instead, it wouldn't change anything because whatever is influencing the child to act in a specific way is still there, which means chances of he/she commuting the same crime again is high.
Lastly, any method of disciplining a child should not only conform with the personality of a child but should match the crime committed. Some parents forgets that disciplining a child is about correcting the wrongdoings of a child not leaving a scar on a child either mentally or physically. In disciplining a child, a child needs to know why he/she is being punished. And if the method of discipline is not working doesn't mean a parent should change to a more extreme methods. It is all about finding the best way to communicate the right ideas to a child that match with their level of understanding, without traumatizing them in the process.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "This is discipline" in hive learners community.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
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