Good Day Everyone
Recently things are not going with me, many problems and failures keep popping out. Starting with some partners whose family got accidents and I had to help them personally because our works had not got paid yet, then My dad passed away. When someone passed away, believe me the funeral or burial is not somewhere as near as "affordable". If not for some people sent us some money, not in small amount, we might not even get a proper "good bye" ceremony ceremony him.
Later I had to work with many handicap. As I am writing now, I just recovered from vertigo and light GERD, and one of my team leader could not pay his hospital bill so he just got out today I after we bailed him out. The same clients had not paid us all of their invoice, and all the problematic and disputed payment we have right now already exceed one hundred US dollar.
It is not that I have a lot of money so I can work with that amount of due invoice unpaid. My working capital is less than that, not even near 30k USD. So right now I have some people who haven't got paid for their jobs, some vendors and suppliers that keep chasing me for their invoice. Some even have filed legal sue to me, and some even use brute force such as paying cops that want to do some "power enforcing" to help people who pay them lol.
When someone asks me, are you ok? I always say I am not fine but it's ok. I am always questioned by those people with reassuring question such as "are you making up these things?" "How on earth you can survive in that condition" and many more.
Yesterday a girl from some dating apps even said to me that "Life is not all about money you know. You don't have to sleep 3 to 4 hours a day, working everyday even during holidays".. Oh she just hasn't known the fact that I work like hell because I have no money at all.
So I burn my physical body right now working non stop everyday is not because I do not have income at all. It is because I have too many things to pay and too many people whom I support their life.
Is this tiring? yes it is! Is this stressing out my mind and mental? Yes it is! Am I ok with this? No, I have enough of it but what can I do?
For some who have talked to me several times, they might notice that sometime I respond or talk as if I was a different person, or there are different personality in me. Yes when I am near or on my limit, the way I talk might be different.
I am running a survival of the fittest contest right now, whether I will die first of my problem will die first... either way, it is not recommended for anyone to do so
I Grew In Generation And Communities That Believe Mental Health is For The Weak
I am an Asian, although my father is an Indonesian, I am not a full 100% Indonesian nor South East Asian. My mother came from a country which they believe they are the best. They could beat the westerner and have proved they are the best by conquering all Asia.
So I grew up in family and community that Asian Parenting Stereotype was not a stereotype for me. It was an actual life lesson, where we were raised with the believe that Success was something that expected, not something that we should celebrated. Seeing someone else getting a better mark or having higher rank meant that you just brought dishonor to your family.
It is not something that exaggeration that I say those things. For people who share same generation with me, or maybe older than me, pre millennials are just like that. The human right was limited, and that time there were no such thing what we call right now as mental health. There were no bullies, what existed that you just being weak.
I do not say that time was bad or better. I believe every era or timezone will mold people differently regardless better or not. If you see old people, most of them are old fashioned, hard to change, and monotonous but you can't deny that they have higher endurance and perseverance. They can live very well in an environment that full of uncertainties and risks are everywhere to be found.
So honestly, I have difficulties in encouraging younger generations whenever I see some young people having some mental issues things. Just because some decades ago mental health issues are considered bullshit, that doesn't mean it will be forever like that.
In the past, when I was sad, a friend would kick my ass or slap my cheek and yelled to me "Man Up Dude, Don't give up to sorrow.. Let's grab some drink and face tomorrow with new hope".. If people do that nowadays, you can expect police will handcuff them lol
Life Is A Journey And God Is Always With You
This is something I can share based on what I am experiencing and what I have learned all this time. Life is not about getting a dream, you can set many goals in your life and dream about them, but still nobody entitled to have them fulfilled.
So if you get anxiety, it is a normal thing for everyone. Feeling worry, getting restlessness, feeling nervous, and can not concentrate... Are common things in Anxiety. It is a blessing for people who have experience in younger age and getting use to face it, and for you who haven't get used too, it is a blessing too that you learn it when you have a better matured personality.
Anyway, as I make the subject, it is the only message I can deliver in this post.. there will be things that are too big for us. Expect you will be in condition unfavored, or getting failures or not successful in some cases. It is not your fault, it is what it is anyway..
There is a say
MAN PROPOSES, GOD DISPOSES
You might plan and work as hard as you can, but it is not your call for deciding the outcome. So whenever you feel anxiety, getting nervous or scared over nothing, try to get calmer a bit, then trust in God my friends...
Thank you for coming and reading my post. I live in Jakarta, Ex-Capital City of Indonesia. Currently I am running a small business with less than 10 people. I used to live by making money online, that's why I like being here, on HIVE, and in #PIMP - (Paper In My Pocket) community.
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