Wow. this is so relatable. I was stuck in exactly the same position about 8 years ago, almost exactly to the day, when I kicked my now ex-husband out of the house.

I put up with so much abuse, mostly emotional and verbal with one incident of physical abuse which broke my coccyx (unfortunately this injury is irreparable and had me sitting on old lady donut cushions from my 30s!

It takes so much bravery to get out. I honestly thought I never would. That he was right about me being a terrible mother and a terrible person, using names I shall not repeat here, but I reached breaking point when we had a massive argument the night before and he sept on the couch. I went to go and kiss him goodbye, but not out of love,. I was hoping he would punch me so that I would have a "real" reason to leave. While this was all going through my head, I realized what this would do t my then almost 5 year old son if his father really did give me a black eye and I realized that I had reached the end of my rope. Till death do us part? I feel like I was dead inside anyway.

It took years to come right, but eventually I started recognizing the woman in the mirror and the light came back into my eyes. Divorce is hard, but sometimes it's the best decision for everyone.