Believe it or not, I am a bit of an introvert. I know, I talk a good game here on Hive commenting and acting like the little social butterfly, but it's all just a show. Okay maybe not a show, that would imply it's fake. I just find it easier to interact via written word versus spoken word.
I've never been a great public speaker, it's something that has always terrified me. I think my issue with public speaking is two fold. First, I don't have much of a filter, so there is a 90% chance I am likely going to say something I shouldn't.
Second, I have an ADHD brain, it's always going a mile a minute and it's in a million different places all at the same time. That means I tend to ramble, babble, and get off the main subject pretty frequently. It's probably hard for the audience to keep up on the rare occasions that I do speak publicly.
The truth is, I'm an introvert who loves to be around people. Does that make sense? Of course the people make the difference, it's not like I want to be in a crowd of strangers all the time. However, if you put me with my friends or family, even though I might not be the most talkative or the center of attention, I'm more than likely content.
That doesn't mean I don't appreciate my alone time, but I fully acknowledge that I could never be one of those people who shut the world out and retreat into themselves 24/7. I'd go crazy I think.
@mrsbozz and I went out to eat with some friends on Friday night and I came to some realizations. The most important being this:
I love listening to my wife talk
I've actually known this for quite some time now, but it's true. When my wife and I go to the dentist to get our teeth cleaned, they usually take us both back at the same time. We have separate hygienists, so we are both being worked on separately but together. My hygienist was probably flabbergasted by the fact that I wouldn't talk because I was always busy listening to my wife talk to her hygienist.
Let's be honest though, they have their hands in your mouth, why do they bother talking to you in the first place. It's not like you can carry on a conversation.
Sorry, I got off the subject there (see what I mean).
I had to feel a little bad for @a4xjeeper on Friday night at dinner with him and his wife because I probably spent the whole time listening to @mrsbozz talk to his wife. Now, he and I have been friends for close to 30 years now, so conversation isn't always necessary, but still. I know I probably dropped the ball.
We talked a bit, but I know for a fact I mostly listened.
Which is pretty funny because if you asked my wife, she would probably tell you I never listen to her!
In addition to that, it was also loud in the restaurant we were eating in.
It didn't start out that way, but as more and more people trickled into Molasses Smokehouse and Bar, it got quite loud. @gooddream has talked several times about how annoying it can be when a bar gets too loud to even carry on a conversation. I totally agree.
By the end of the night, my head was spinning from all of the noise and I expressed my need to get out of there. Unfortunately, it's probably my fault that the night was cut short. I just couldn't take it anymore.
Likewise, @diamonddave probably gets frustrated with me as well. He's a bit of a social chameleon and he can find something to talk about in any situation. If I'm not talking though, that probably makes it difficult for him.
I can't tell you the number of nights we have sat around the campfire and said very little while our wives talked away right next to us. I wouldn't trade that silence for a night around the campfire alone though.
That human connection is still a requirement for me, even if it is unspoken.
Does this make sense at all? Can you relate to it at all? Am I totally off base? Could it be that I am not in fact an introvert? I'm just a normal person who is shy? I don't feel like that argument sticks when it comes to friends and family. Why would I be shy around them?
It's a good thing I put this in the reflections community, because I think this post definitely raises more questions than answers them.
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