“The wire bit into my skin… and I knew the pepper was coming next.”
I was only eight years old. My hands were bleeding, my eyes already stinging from tears, and I was too afraid to scream. Somewhere far away, my parents thought I was safe. They had no idea the little girl they sent away was learning the taste of cruelty.
Do we always have to forgive?
Why should anyone forgive someone who has crushed them, shamed them, and never once said sorry?
For years, my answer was a sharp, unshakable "never!!"
But the day I learned the truth about forgiveness… everything changed.
I was seven when I left my mother’s warm arms to live with my uncle’s wife. At first, she treated me like a treasure. She smiled when she saw me. She gave me small treats.
I felt loved,I felt valued until she had her own children.
Everything changed...
Her love turned to hatred and all the attention I once enjoyed turned to cruelty.
By eight, I was carrying 25-litre gallons of water, cooking for the entire family, and trekking miles to the market to shop for our provision stall. My back ached, my small feet throbbed, but I had no choice.
I remembered vividly, the day I tripped and accidentally broke 30 eggs on my way home.
My punishment? Drink them all! Raw!
I cried until my chest hurt. I thought I would die. But, lol... raw eggs didn’t kill me.
Cruelty almost did.
Whenever she was angry, she beat me with cable wire that the springs got stuck in my skin. Then she would mix red pepper with water and rubbed it on my bleeding body, in my eyes and even in my private parts.
I was often denied food. Many days, I reached school hours late, hungry and empty. My mother was made to believe that everything was well with me.
The worst moment came when her 7-month-old baby died. She accused me of murder. Called me a witch, and guess what?... My childhood was shattered.
After eight long years, my mother asked that I returned home.
When she saw me, she didn’t recognize me at first. The little girl she had once known was gone, replaced by someone hardened, silent, and full of hidden scars.
That was my turning point.
I went back to school. I started dreaming again. But the truth? My mind was still trapped in the bondage of my own past.
The Weight of Unforgiveness...
I remembered Sister Chinwe — my aunty’s own niece. She, too, suffered. She swore she would never forgive.
“Over my dead body,” she said.
Life gave her a good husband and a thriving salon, But her heart stayed heavy.
She died in 2021 after a brief illness.
And my aunty? Still alive, strong, and still bragging to others about how “good” I when I was with her.
Such is irony of life...
That was the day I understood: unforgiveness is poison you drink, hoping someone else will die.
The Day I Chose to Forgive:
After high school, I made my choice. I forgave her.
Not because she asked. Not because she deserved it. But because I deserved peace.
My body had been free for years, but my heart was still in turmoil. Every memory was another chain holding me down.
I began to pray. I asked God to take away the bitterness. Slowly, the chains loosened. The weight lifted.
And then, something beautiful happened, I started to dream bigger. I worked hard, went to university, and earned my B.Sc. in Microbiology. That degree wasn’t just paper. It was proof that I had survived. Proof that I had risen.
✅My Answer
So, should we always forgive?
Yes. Not for them, but for us.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean inviting someone back to hurt you again. It means choosing freedom over chains, peace over poison, life over slow death.
Holding on to pain will not punish them. It will destroy you.
And I refuse to be buried by what I have survived.
"Forgiveness is not about them, it’s about setting yourself free. Bitterness chains you to the past, and the cost of holding a grudge is your peace. Too expensive."
My name is Rosemary and this is my first post on LOH. I'm excited to be here and I'm looking forward to making an incredible impact here. Let's connect, and build the future of possibility.
Thank you so much for this opportunity 🙏
