Each and every time I wake up, it's usually with a sigh, not just because of the laundry, cooking, taking care of the kids and all, but because it is also a silent reminder that I'm never done. It's because each new day brings along with it a new thing to be done, something to be fixed, ironing to be done, cleaning and all.
October really made me think things through, I thought about all of the weight I was carrying, and all of those pressures and stress that comes with being the one who's expected to keep things in order. The society expects you to care for others, pretend as if everything is going on well, while still staying/being productive at work or in your business. October made me think about all of this and I realized that I've since stopped caring about my mental health, I only think about it whenever it seems I'm already breaking.
I don't know why, but then I always feel the need to be always available, either at work, home, family functions and all. I would clean, cook, go to work, reply to messages, attend functions and the likes. And each time I want to rest, I'd start feeling guilty, my mind does start to race trying to remember if I had forgotten something or maybe there was something to do or somewhere to be. And it does sound strange right? But it's the truth, the world we live in today tends to glorify being busy while turning a blind eye to the fact that it's wearing us out and affecting our mental health.
There are times I would be cooking in the kitchen and just sigh or wait in-between, I would just be staring at nothing in particular, it would be so obvious how exhausted I am already, even though the day just begun. It was as if I had been programmed to do almost everything, trying to meet up with everything while disconnecting with myself. I believe you can relate, it all feels like I was just moving through life and not really living it.
So, if you ask me, "How are you?"
Gone are the days where we hide everything with the response, "I'm fine." Nah.
My honest answer will be, "I'm not fine, I'm tired."
And it's the truth, I'm not just tired and drained physically, but even mentally and emotionally.
It's so easy to forget about our own well-being all because we were busy trying to keep our home running, while trying to meet up with life's expectations too. You wake up every single day, doing things for others, even though it's for family, at the end of the month, you sit to think and can't even remember or think of anything you've done for yourself, you check your wardrobe and you haven't even added a piece of cloth or shoe, not even a scarf.
Though, now things are a bit more balanced in our home. My husband has now learn to start doing certain things. There are times he helps with the laundry, sometimes he cooks when he sees I'm busy with something else or when he sees I'm tired, there are times he helps dress up for the kids while I'm making breakfast and some other things. It isn't about perfection, but partnership. We are help mate, and a peaceful and beautiful home should be built on shared effort and not some silent expectations. And believe me, any time he is helping or helps aside that it reduces what's left of me to do or ease me of chores, it also helps ease my mind.
That pressure tondo everything right never really disappear, but then I'm really learning to rest and not see it(resting) as a luxury I can't afford. I rest a lot this days, I take walks, I sit out for fresh air and remind myself that all of these help keep me sane. It's not as if most of these times there aren't things to do, not at all, there are times there are still unwashed plates in the kitchen, or dirty cloth in the laundry and the likes, but it's not too much to leave it for somebody else to help handle it or just leave it till tomorrow. Self-care goes beyond going for spa sessions and all, it's also about eating on time, taking time to rest, watching movies, going out, getting things for yourself and all.
These days I've stopped sighing or thinking for long. I now smile a lot. And anytime I wake up, I've stopped seeing each day as a burden but just a reminder that I'm here and it's another day to learn, work and still find time to rest in the middle of everything.
So, November does feel like the time to really check in with myself, not just as someone's partner, parent or caregiver but as a human who also deserves care. And we all need to remember and know that we can only keep on giving out after we've learnt to refill ourselves.
Here's 🥂 to mum and all the amazing women out there, you’re seen, appreciated, and loved. Thanks for all you do💯❤️.
All pictures are mine.
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