As a woman, I have never for once see solo travel as self-care, maybe because of the part of the world where I hail from, insecurity is everywhere and all, the truth is, even the idea terrifies me.
You know the mere thought of being in a strange place, alone, with no familiar faces, no one to gist me, no one whom I can say am familiar with, just me alone, and maybe some strangers, that feeling alone make me sad.
But then, a season came in my life where I was around a lot of people, people I knew and loved, people I grew up with and all were all around me, but still, something feels different during those times, I felt unseen, it was then that I realize that sometimes attention to oneself is self-care.
My very first solo trip came, with was nothing so special, I didn't travel out of the country, I was still within Nigeria, but I can say right from the trip, it was a very great one, I have always traveled and went out with people I know, with familiar faces and all, but this time, it felt good, I felt good, for the first time no one was there to call me "babe, aunty, sister.....", it was just me.
Though at first, it felt strange, I had to lodge alone, ate alone, walked some unfamiliar streets alone, but as time passed on, it felt good, there was no disturbance, it was just me, no need to cook for someone, I can cook and eat at will, there's no pressure to smile, talk or do anything, even I had to off my data for both WhatsApp and Facebook, I don't want any messages or notifications to shift my attention from myself I want to hear and really pay attention to myself.
The truth is, we don't realize how much of our life is background noise, not until we sit in silence with our own thoughts and they stop feeling strange. I was glad I went on that trip, it taught me that self-care isn’t always something luxurious, expensive or something loud, it can be those simple things like boarding a bus and watching the road pass by, its you not worrying about what every other person would prefer to eat, you are only bothered and concerned about yourself.
During that trip, I was able to really think well, I was about to really feel myself, I even cried in the hotel room on my bed, I didn't need to be strong for anyone, this is just me and its ok to, am the type who always try to be there for everyone, but at this point in time, I don't need to, I can be vulnerable and all with myself, I also laugh though, yea, while reflecting and remembering some things, I smiled, I laughed out loud and sincerely, I love that trip.
As a woman, we most times lose self in the various layers of expectations. We are all about nurturing, serving, caring, and holding up for others, but who holds up for us. Well solo travel brought that about for me, I can be free, silent, cry, shout, laugh, brave, scared, happy and all at once.
Also, during this travel of mine, I met some people during the trip and they asked me some questions, questions like..who are you going to meet, are you not afraid, do you know anyone there, will you be safe, will you be okay, but still, I was the one who chooses to go at first, so I just smiled at them, I deserve my own company and I don't owe anyone any explanation.
Maybe its because of those questions, I don't know, maybe its hidden somewhere in me before, I can't say, but I did felt fear. I feared for my safety, I feared that I may not be able to handle myself of certain things/thoughts and all. I just kept wondering if I would like who I actually am, who I am when no one is there/watching.
But well, I went and I found it all, there are times I was restless, there were times I felt sad, also there are times I laughed, smiled and was happy. I experienced a lot, I took walks, I saw children playing, I went sight seeing, I walked the markets, I interacted with sellers and did a lot, most importantly, I met with myself, with my real self, and I was really glad I did
The thing is, we can only share or give out what we have/possess, if am not there for myself, how can I be there for others, how can I give out love. Solo travel for me is a way of returning home to myself, and its a kind of home no one can help build.
And as a woman who's still out, trying to find peace in this hustle bustle world, I realized that solo travel is good, the one I had in Ibadan is a testament to it, ithelped me rest, reflect, and reconnect with myself. I would practice such often now, because before I belonged to anyone, I belonged to myself first.
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