Honestly, I don’t think I’ve learnt how to deal with grief. It’s something I still can’t fully process or even understand how to handle. Maybe the way people deal with it differs from one person to another, but for me, I just don’t know. I’m probably not even making much sense right now, but I’m sure that by the time I’m done, I must have passed my message across.
Honestly, when it comes to dealing with grief, I think, I just leave it to time. Yes, I hurt, I cry, I get depressed, but at the end of the day, time somehow just does the magic. It’s not immediate, and it doesn’t take the pain away instantly, but gradually, I discover that the weight of it all gradually dissipates. I remember when I suffered my greatest loss, and that was losing my 6 year old brother. Honestly, I was only 14 years old, but at that age, I already knew what deep pain meant. I saw my family, broken and suffering, and I suffered more because I was the only one at his death bed. My mum was out to get his food. I literally cried out my heart on many nights, begging and wishing to just have him back. But obviously, he wasn’t coming back, and no amount of tears could change that.
As time passed, I started to heal. It wasn’t really quick, and it wasn’t easy as well, but healing started to happen; slowly, yes, but definitely. Over time, I discovered that I could deal with my grief better when I shared what I was going through with my friends. Talking about it made me feel a little lighter, and I realized how important it was to have people around me who genuinely cared.
However, it wasn’t all smooth. Through experience, I learnt that this boils down to choosing the right friends. I faced betrayal countless times without number from those I once called friends. It was really a tough lesson for me, but it taught me that until I decided to choose my friends myself and not letting them choose me, I would keep facing that hurt over and over again. It was only when I became intentional about my friendships that I truly understood what real companionship meant.
Today, I have friends who have turned into family. They have really stood by me through the toughest times, whilst teaching me to find joy even in chaos and holding my hand when I felt like giving up. While time helped me deal with grief in the early stages, I have grown to understand that having the right people around you is just as important in the healing journey.
All Images are from my phone.
