She was pretty young, I'd say in her early twenties, when I remember learning this thing from her.
I was quite surprised when I realised what she was doing, that little sister of mine, because it seemed really wise and really kind, and I just didn't know where she'd learned it.
She hadn't learned it from our Mum, because I'd never seen our mother do that.
She hadn't learned it from our Dad, because I'd never seen our father do that either.
In fact, to this day I still don't know where she learned it. I guess I could ask her and, in fact, I might just do that the next time we speak.
But for now, I guess I better tell you what it was that I learned from my younger sister that she wasn't actually trying to teach me. I learned this behaviour through her example.
I watched her being a role model of a behaviour I thought was kind and helpful and would just make the world a better place if more of us did it.
What was she doing that was so fabulous?
She was deliberately saying hello or goodbye or somehow acknowledging the people who everyone else usually ignores.
The woman cleaning the toilets in the shopping centre.
The man emptying the bins at the park.
The person collecting the empty dishes and trays from tables in the food court.
At first, I thought it was only cleaners of various descriptions she was doing this with; that is, that she had trained herself to say 'hello' or 'thank you' to cleaners.
But then I realised she had actually trained herself to notice the people who are used to being ignored, minimising themselves and not taking up space. She was noticing the people who everyone walks around like they're part of the furniture.
She did it with homeless people sitting on the sidewalk. She did it with older people waiting at the train station. She did it with bus drivers who drove buses with automated ticket machines where no conversation was needed.
What I learned in watching my sister's behaviour is one very important lesson:
Every person matters.
Regardless of the job a person does, how young or old they are, or how rich or poor they are - every person is worth acknowledging.
Now twenty years later, I still practise this behaviour regularly. It's become a normal part of the way I interact with strangers in public. I'm mindful of the people I could say hello or thank you to, but also to the people who are easy to ignore.
And sometimes I share a greeting such as "hello" or "how are you?" or "goodbye" - something that makes sense for the situation, but often I will simply look them in the eye and smile broadly.
Because I want people to know that I see them and that they matter.
And I think this is what my sister had figured out all those years ago, and managed to teach me without even trying.
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This post is in response to the question posed by merit.ahama in the Ladies of Hive Community:
"Tell us about one thing you learned from your mother or sister or a female neighbour that she didn't teach you directly."
If you identify as a woman you can also respond to this question (or the other question of the week). Find all the details in this post.
