Just reminiscing about how my decision in the year 2023, last year, and the just concluded two months of this year have been for me, and in all of it, I acknowledge that I made a whole hell of a lot of mistakes, due to my choices and decision and I am currently in a fix because of those mistakes.
One of the lessons I learned while recalling all my experiences in summary is to never make decisions just considering the moment, and to never let my emotions fog my judgment when making decisions for myself because I may end up regretting like I am doing now. I may not want to go into details but it is a lesson I hope to stick to because I learned the hard and painful way.
Let's not forget that the decisions we make today will always affect how our tomorrow will play out or look like, the same way our yesterday's decisions are the reason why we are at the spot we are right now. Make decisions not just with emotions but with logical and critical cap, because it helps put you in balance and at check.
A few years ago, someone always said to me "Evelyn, make excuses for others, be the bigger person" and yeah, I had to learn that because I felt it was right, it is right no doubt for years now, I have walked by those rules but while I get more exposed to meeting different calibers of people from different social background and family background, I realize that "making excuses for people and being the bigger person" makes you vulnerable to people, it leaves you at the receiving end if one is not careful, it leaves you packing and picking up after matured, selfish and self-centered people, it exposes one to more harm especially when the person can not create boundaries and maintain their boundaries and principles.
So, the last time I spoke to this teacher of mine about a certain issue, I remember saying "I don't want to be the bigger person anymore, I don't want to make excuses for anyone" let everyone grow and clean after themselves, making excuses and being the bigger person blinds our eyes to the character and negligence of others because we always make excuses for them. So I learned not to make excuses and not to always be the bigger person, I do not want to be that person ever again.
Don't sacrifice yourself for anyone unless you know their place in your life, oh, I was passing a particular shop on my way to school last month and I saw a particular shop that took me down memory lane, and I just could not help but smile at our I could go all out for someone, I just could not understand I could stand in the gap for such person and when I told my girlfriend because I shared the experience with her, she laughed at me and said "You've always been that person" ready to put yourself out for others even when those people do not deserve it.
She said the day you reached out to me because of that person, I was surprised and had to ask you, "How much do you know this person to want to be a mediator between myself and that person?" but I remember you said all that didn't matter, you just needed to help that person and since you couldn't, you had to reach out to me for help. Now, I sit back and think about those events, and I wish I had not raised a finger because they didn't deserve it.
Build your circle, I may not have a crowd of the cycle of friends, but I know I have people who can go all out for me, the same way I can go all out for them, I remember a friend of mine was willing to pay for an artisan to work on my house however I wished as long as I wanted the design, I have a friend who I can call for urgent cash, I have a friend who can walk with me and think about my welfare, these are not romantic friendships, these are people that have built my trust on them the same way they have built their trust on me. So, the friendship isn't one-sided or parasitic.
Build your cycle of friends, even though you are not entitled to their help, but having friends you can depend on, maybe not financially is a whole lot of flex, you would want to taste, and see that it is a beautiful thing. Having friends in a space where you can pour out your heart and watch them listen to you, is a whole lot of flex, having friends who do not invalidate your feelings, who do not judge you because of your mistakes is a whole lot of flex, and being such a friend is beautiful as well.
This post was inspired by the #inleo community and my entry to the #Marchinleo monthly topic on Day 3. Please check out the prompt
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