I don't get angry easily. It takes quite a lot to ruffle my feathers, and I'm generally known for being pretty even-tempered. That's not to say I never feel frustrated or upset I'm human after all but full-blown anger is a rare occurrence for me.
I suppose one of the reasons I don't really get angry very much is that I always try to put things into perspective. I always find that when something really annoying happens to me, I just need to step back and say, "Will this matter in a week? A month? A year?" More often than not, the answer is no. That makes it easier to lose the little disappointments before they have time to build up to real wrath.
The other is because I give everyone the benifit of the doubt. I love to assume things about people's lives when they cut me off in traffic, or are rude to me in a store about what is going on in their life that made them do that. Or maybe they are just having the worst day ever, or some sort of personal hell. (not that this justifies anybody's actions, but it makes me more apt to respond with an understanding "why" instead of sheer rage.
That said, there are times when anger is a natural and even appropriate response. Such as when I see someone getting bullied or being treated wrongly I feel that moral indignation. Naturally, the couple of times that I really do get angry though, I've found that I can use that anger for good.
One of the best things I've learned to do is wait before reacting. So when I feel an anger in me, I breathe and I give myself a second to absorb. This little hesitation, however, usually keeps me from saying or doing something that I would regret later. It allows me to select a response instead of just responding impulsively.
I'm also a large advocate of communication. So when someone does something and I get upset about it, I tell them how I feel, but I do it in a very calm way, and I always use "I" statements. For example, "I felt hurt when you said that," rather than "You're such a jerk.". That usually leads to some productive conversation and resolution rather than an escalating battle.
For those who struggle with anger issues, I'd offer a few pieces of advice based on my own experiences and observations:.
First, work on identifying your anger triggers. What situations or behaviors tend to set you off? When you know what these triggers are you can begin to predict them and be ready for them.
Second, develop a "toolbox" of coping strategies. Whether it's deep breathing, counting to ten, or simply walking away from the situation for a minute or two. So my advice is to just practice, practice, practice with these things and see what works best for you.
Third, try to address anger at its roots. Anger is usually a secondary emotion, covering up some sort of fear, insecurity, or hurt. Exploring these underlying emotions, perhaps with the help of a therapist, can lead to better anger management in the long run.
Fourth, take care of your overall well-being. Regular exercise, good sleep habits, and stress management techniques like meditation can all contribute to a more balanced emotional state.
Finally, be patient with yourself. It is a process and it will take time to learn how to control my anger. Enjoy the little successes and if you have any relapses don't kill yourself.
Keep in mind the point isn't to never get angry anger is a perfectly human emotion. The point is to just get that anger out and released in a healthy productive way.
Its not like I have a problem with anger myself but I can definitely relate to those who do. That's a hard issue, but with patience and practice and possibly professional help anger can be controlled a little better. The reward healthier relationships, less stress, and greater peace of mind is well worth the effort.
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