Something happened last week, and I remember in the heat of all the emotions, I said I wished my dad didn't die because I was sure that if he wasn't dead, I wouldn't be in my hometown and there are a few people or things I wouldn't have come across. It's not like I am not grateful for where I am, it's just that some things or situations trigger unwanted memories and these memories stir up your emotions and put you in a place of hate, rage, anger, and comparison.
Most people do not realize that every day when we wake up, some of us are trying to fight and suppress our demons and put our lives back on track because we understand what we have ahead of us. So, we live every day fighting and standing strong but then, some emotions could break us in a twinkle of an eye.
So, if I am asked to choose between a blue pill that brings someone back to life and a red pill that gives me everlasting life, I don't have to second guess that answer and I am sure many of us who have read through my blog can even guess the answer correctly.
I would choose the blue pill, I would choose to bring someone back to life, I would choose to bring my father back to life. I will always miss him, I will forever miss him because his absence in our lives turned our lives upside down.
Although his absence has strengthened me and made me a strong lady, made me the responsible young lady that I am today because I am sure that if my dad was alive, I wouldn't have known the things I came to know and understand in his absence.
I would choose to bring back to life the man who was my first cheerleader, my tutor, my movie partner, my first friend, my protector, my adviser, and overall my father.
He was the only one who believed in me and helped me believe in myself and the choices that concerned me, always there to guide and advise me but never imposed anything on me like I saw most parents/fathers did to their kids back then
I know he may be proud of me, and how far I have come even though it wasn't how we planned it together, even though it wasn't what we planned and where I am supposed to be at this point in my life but I wish he was here, to see me scale through.
My dad always defended me and did not let anyone use words wrongly on me, even if it seemed it was just a joke. I remember how a lady had heard when my dad called me my native name in the mall and she walked down to me saying that in her language, the meaning of my native name was "GOAT" playfully.
I didn't know my dad arrived at the scene and heard her statement, he was so furious with the lady for coming to tell me that in her language or where she comes from, the meaning of my name was 'Goat'. She said it playfully, but my dad wasn't having it. So, yeah, I miss him and would love to have him around once again.
Thank you for reading!!!
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