Sometimes Healing means Pressing the Pause button..
When I was young (like girl–ish young), not that I'm old (hehe),I believed that a breakup meant getting another boyfriend. That healing was getting over your ex as quick as possible to your next. Oh yes, I did just that. How can I be alone when God meant for us to have partners,riight?
But then I had my first baby, and everything changed. I knew that this time there was no going to a next one. It was time to pause– to heal. It was then that I admitted to myself I was not okay. I was exhausted; drained. I was tired of proving my worth to people who only cared so much about what’s in for them. People who didn’t care to understand.
So I paused. I decided to choose peace over situationships. Silence over small talk. And in that pause, I found parts of me that were buried and forgotten. I started seeing things as they are, not as an illusion. I started to understand that it’s not the fear of being alone that had made me jump from one situationship to the next. It was the fear of being alone with somebody who wasn’t there for me.
In the quiet nights, I made peace with myself. I studied myself not to judge but to understand - to love. I saw myself for who I really was, who I was meant to be. I saw a strong willed reflection in the mirror that had been replaced with a self-doubting version of me. A version I had let out to go seeking for validation when all I needed was me, myself, and I.
In the silence I saw my beauty, my flaws. I took my flaws and openly loved them; not hide them as I would have years back. I understood that by loving them they would never be used against me. So I dedicated myself to love every little detail of not only my body, but my life, and my energy. I understood that my energy is my armor and not everyone is worth of such a beautiful glow.
It gave me the sense of choice. To determine who should enter my life. To be okay being alone always. It is not that I am perfect per se – healing doesn’t mean you’re perfect; it means you are learning to love yourself first. And honestly? It is a real glow-up.
Thank you for reading💕
The image is mine