I never really wanted to share this, but I constantly get into this mood of drafting perfection and now, I can say that I feel very compelled to talk about it, to not one person but to many.
This feeling doesn't come always, it comes when I've failed to do a particular thing, or I remember failing to do something very important. Sometimes it comes when I look at myself, where I come from, where I am, and where I'm going.
In times like this, I pull out confidence from the fact that there's nothing I'm going through that is new. And that other people have also felt this way at some point in their lives. And so instead of musing about it, I focus on finding ways to overcome these challenges, just like others have done.
I'm not into perfection, I believe it's impossible and that there's beauty in imperfections—the fact that you are real to some extent and humanistic earns you trust.
Not so long I discovered writing things like this (my thoughts) down in my diary makes things simple for me, it clears my mind and there's an 80% certainty that it will come to reality. Looking at my diary now, I am currently where I wanted to be a few years ago, I possess some of the characteristics I listed out; self-confidence, optimism, and perseverance. They are my little achievements.
I easily forget my thoughts, so I write them down to ensure I won't forget them. In a few years, I know I'll be grinning from ear to ear while flipping through the pages of my diary because I will have become everything I wrote.
Do you feel like life is complicated? You're not alone. I feel that way too most of the time. I do wonder why some things happen, like failing after putting in so much effort or succeeding without even trying enough. Does it just happen, or is that how they're meant to be?
If you asked me one of the things I learned last year, it's accepting uncertainty. I realized that things won't always go the way we want them to. And that some things are within our control, while others are beyond our control. I try to focus on the things I can control, but sometimes even those slip through my fingers, and that's when disappointment creeps in.
Is it right to feel this way? YES,because it makes me feel that I'm alert, alert enough to notice the little changes outside and within me. I feel blessed that I can identify these changes and be able to express them to the best of my ability and that I'm very willing to evolve into a better person because I believe that someday I will have a better version of myself. Better to my satisfaction.
The clock is ticking fast. Thinking about age and the things you haven't achieved can give you a headache. It's like we're running a race, and I'd like to think of it as a marathon - slow and steady. Never giving up, always running until we reach the finish line. The problem now might be the direction we're running in. Are we going the right way or are we just running aimlessly? Honestly, it hurts to think about it. I feel like crying when I'm confused about the path I'm on. I don't know if it's just me who lacks confidence or if others also feel this way at some point in their lives.
After reading this far, you may be wondering how I cope with thoughts like these. Well, I indulge in self-motivation. I constantly tell myself that I'll get there and that it's just a matter of time. I'll become who I want to be by seizing every opportunity to improve myself, keeping track of my goals, celebrating little wins, and appreciating everything I have - both the good and the bad.
Reflection is like emotional medicine to me. They heal, revive, and restore.🤗
All images are mine, except those edited on Canva