To Have and to Hold

in The Pub8 days ago

Most likely some of you are going to smile and scroll through my post, thinking I want to preach about marriage vows. It's ok if you do that, no problem, but this post is going to have nothing with it. It's about something else.

Last night I was thinking of this so called "to have and to hold" mentality and the consequences of it and decided to put my words on paper, or on the blockchain, to be precise, which is better than paper, as a storing method. It's been on my mind for some time and now that I'm still in the process of selling everything I don't need, it's a good lesson for the future.

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Photo by Tuaans on Unsplash

During this process, I came across a lot of things that honestly, I didn't even think I still have. Some items have never been used as those have bee put aside, to have later. Now comes the question, when is late? As that time has not come yet it seems as I've never used those items. Lucky me, I only have one or two of these, mostly expensive glass and porcelain, but I've seen this mentality so many times.

Without having statistics to back my theory up, still, I think you see this mentality at those limited financially. Buy something of value, to have and then never use it as it's saved for better occasions, that may never come, or let's say, there's no occasion that worth using it. Why? The fear of breaking it, losing it has a lot to do with it.

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Photo by Atul Pandey on Unsplash

I've seen so many do this, with china, clothes and some with a part of the house, which is even worse. Imagine building a house and never use the rooms as those are meant to be preserved ... to have them clean and new, while they were living in a single room. Clothes have been kept in the drawer, worn only on occasions, till those didn't fit anymore.

It's a question of mentality, which has a justification, to some extent, but when you think deeper, you can see you end up not using a good part of your belongings, and when I say not using them, in some cases it means at all.

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I was raised to think like that, but not in the strictest way. However, over the years, if you have an open mind and learn what's important for you and your well being, you can decide for yourself and live your life as you see fit. For me, this mentality has a very negative effect and it causes more pressure on me, than joy. Storing things you rarely use is just going to restrict your living space and also means spending money on things unnecessarily, so it's not a viable option, or one that I should choose.

Times have changed a lot for our generation and the ones after us as well, even more. Mindset has to change as well, if you don't want to live stuck in the past. I don't for sure. Change is the only certain thing in life and I'd say change is good. Some items are to keep, others have their role in our lives and that role can change too. Letting go is part of the process. Learning to let go is crucial, if you want to evolve. Finding a healthy balance between keeping and letting go is the key in this game. We all have an emotional baggage, that we carry with us over the years, but the size of it depends on us. I can only speak for myself but the faster you change and adapt, the better.

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Photo by Mike Hindle on Unsplash

I'm wondering if what I'm saying makes sense at all, or I'm the only one seeing things this way? Dunno. Let me know in a comment.

I think I owe you an explanation regarding these photos, that most of the time have nothing to do with the topic of the post 😆 Yes, that's right, I select them based on what I like and find interesting. For so many years I've been using my photos for these posts, that also rarely had anything to do with the topic, but now I use Unsplash. For me it's a lot of fun to just scroll through the collection of photos the platform offers and pick so many amazing short. I will never be able to take such shuts, or the most of it anyway.

So there you go, you have the explanation, mystery sold.

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This has a lot to do with the way we think and, in some cases, even with our experiences. Sometimes, I used to get on my mom’s case for keeping so many things at home, things that didn’t even make sense, at least not to me. I thought that way my whole life and even started to wonder if my mom had some kind of compulsive hoarding disorder.

You know, as the years went by, I realized it wasn’t exactly about possession in the material sense, or about the feeling of having a lot of things, but rather about the mindset of saving things to use later. Like you said, some things are kept for a special occasion that may never come, but watching what my mom did, after so much time, I realized she did it out of fear, fear of needing something and not having it.

We come from a humble family, and she learned from my grandfather to save things because, in times of scarcity, stored items can be useful. For a long time, I heard a phrase my mom used to say, and when I was little, my grandfather used to say it too: “whoever saves, has.”

It sounds like a silly phrase, but it makes sense. Today I understand it, even though I don’t feel the need to keep things, especially with how much life has improved in many ways and how easy it is to get things if necessary.

So I don’t know, maybe because I’ve always lived around that mindset, today I try to live as minimally as possible. It feels like the more things I have, the more tied down I become, and I like having freedom. It’s as if material accumulation becomes a weight that holds us back, or maybe that’s just a crazy idea of mine haha Anyway, I like the things you say, and it really does make a lot of sense

watching what my mom did, after so much time, I realized she did it out of fear, fear of needing something and not having it.

That is true and in my grandparents' case as well. They grew up in a tough world, went through a lot and this is why mind was always set to saving, putting aside.

Looks like we fully agree on the subject. I'm also trying to keep only what I use and know it's going to be useful one day, not keep it to a minimal. I've experienced what like is with a lot of stuff that you may never use, so I want a different life.

Thanks for sharing your experience and opinion on the matter. It feels good to know you understand exactly what I mean and even better that I'm not alone with this mindset.

Hi Erikah,

It feels so good to make space… new things arrive that I may or may not take, but considering the process of letting go, I’m more measured now in accepting them — they have to be truly useful, truly enriching. And there’s also the fact that I feel more mental clarity each day. I’m also clearing out everything I don’t use or that has lost its reason to be in my space. Life has so many shades, doesn’t it? It’s beautiful and complicated at once… I don’t know where all this will lead me.

I really like that photo of the bike. Applause for Atul Pandey and for you for choosing it. It made me want to take a similar one. 😉

It feels so good to make space

We totally agree on that. Having more space is not only feels good but it is healthy as well. It's like your mind is not so crowded, if this makes sense to you. With life becoming more and more expensive, giving a second life to things is more important today.

That bike photo is awesome. Maybe I can find more in the future 😇

Cool

My wife and I are in the process of helping her parents move to a new place and it has been eye opening the amount of stuff that we hold onto in general. My wife has always been a bit of a minimalist, but I think this even more so is going to make her want to scale down even more.

To have and hold? More like ‘hoard and forget’,good call.

Yeah, that too.

Hi @erikah. I am sending this message because I really want to make peace with you. I admit i have made mistakes before and i am truly sorry for everything.

I am trying my best to change and be a better person here on Hive. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and let us start over. Please stop downvoting me. I really want us to be okay now. Thank you so much.🙏🏻

What's happened? You have given up arrogance and threatening people?

yes @erikah, i admit i was wrong before. I was arrogant and i am really sorry for that. I have changed my attitude now because i want to start fresh and be good here. I am not here to fight or threaten anyone anymore. I just want peace and to be accepted. I hope you believe me that i have really changed.