I was scrolling through my gallery, and I realized that most of the rock bottom moments I went through actually made me stronger than I thought they would. There were days I legit thought the pain I felt in my soul and the sadness that sat in my heart would probably kill me. Because it was too much to bear.
The first one happened in January. So it was one of those times I never saw coming. I am someone who likes to do so many friendship evaluations to make sure no friend of mine is dragging me back or making me do things I don’t want or, you know, having a certain impact on me.
I realized a particular friend of mine was actually so pessimistic around me. I think for a year or two. So we planned to go out and just talk. My plan was to find out if there was something he was going through that was making him be the way he was. I know how someone can go through something, and it would just change the way they think or even process things.
I asked for close to 30 minutes before he opened up about being unemployed. He said he had given up and had no hope of getting anything good in his life. I was so sad, but I kept encouraging him and telling him how it’s not over until it’s over. Listen, I’ve heard that even walls have ears, but this guy with two working ears didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.
He said he was comfortable with the monthly 200 cedis his sister was giving him and wasn’t interested in working any more. I only said okay but asked him to stop being pessimistic because it was affecting me too. I realized that due to our closeness, his behavior had an impact on me. There were days I just gave up on things because of things he said.
At the end of the day, he wasn’t ready to be a better person, so I walked away knowing our friendship had ended, and I was so sad. It felt more painful than a heartbreak, but after I got over the friendship, I realized I did a good thing by letting him go because there was no more voice of pessimism in my corner.
The second rock bottom moment happened in February. I lost my aunt and lived in denial for months until her burial service. I remember trying wine for the first time, trying to find solace in drunkenness. Guys, there’s no solace in being drunk. And I totally regret it because the pain was still there after I was sober. For that pain, I learned that you have to cherish little moments with people because they won’t be there forever.
The last moment was in November. Nothing happened, but I just felt lost. So lost that it was beginning to show by how I carried myself. I think I even wrote about it because it was just overwhelming. I remember doing all the things I love but still feeling the way I felt. In the end, I learned that life is life. It’s not always going to feel smooth. But what’s important is that the fact you feel something doesn’t mean it’s true. Yes, I felt lost, but I wasn’t even lost. It was just one of those days.
Okay, I’m going to end here and wish you all a Merry Christmas.
Images are mine